a gym experience or i am queen of hop

Here’s something I learned about myself last week. I will agree to anything after 30min. of running on the elliptical machine…

News or Update:

*The "hot trainer" was asked to start an aerobics class.

*The "hot trainer" has seen videos of my Monday Morning hip hop.

*The "hot trainer" is straight...she does not know I’m gay.

Since our workouts, Melanie the "hot trainer" and I have become casual friends at the gym. Upon returning from Christmas break, she shared pictures of her trip to Poland with boyfriend Greg and I "oooed and ahhed" reflexively over the happy announcement that “He PROPOSED!”

Making my way out of the locker room i saw her doing spirited catwalk poses for her photo shoot. The trainers are updating their files and she needed a new "pic." I needed to…get a grip. "Oh my g--!" I went walking off in all directions managing to catch myself at the water fountain. Could she please not do that! I’d since placed her in my head, in that area reserved for "all straight women hot but not SEXY."

Making my way over to the elliptical…trusty #23, she caught up to me.

"Hey A-lo what’s up! Girl!"

I was not used to being called A-lo in public. Underneath it all i was most certain she knew me as sweaty girl at the gym who always wears that Auburn sweatshirt and walks into things.

"I’m gettin’ where I need to be!" I said.

"How’s it goin’. What you been doin?’"

It was noticeable she was talking slang. Why the slang? But she’s cute so hey?

"Mind if we chat a little?" she flashed a smile.

"no." (I was still getting where I needed to be so I was not chatty). I offered that i'd been "layin' low."

Finally, I lithely hopped up on the running machine…

She hopped up beside me. Whatcha been doin’? What’s new with you?"We’d already talked about this so I was failing. "Well, I started a new job…"

"I saw your new moves!!!"

I was embarrassed to know this live, hot, physically beautiful body, I mean person had seen me dance.

The moment was awkward. “oh yeah,…did you see the boxing?” she had helped improved my hip hop skills with boxing lessons.

"Yeah that’s awesome man!"

"uh-huh." Somehow i had become old-ladyish...like Judy Dench in Notes on a Scandal...She never really has a little time for me really. There’s always a client to run off to, some “trainers meeting” to attend…and then of course became me again...I mean
come on really, they sit in a circle on those big rubber balls. That’s no meeting. it’s a a adult b-day party at McDonald’s! I had memories/visions of the behind the counter tour and kids popping balloons in the Ronald room.

Minutes of awkward running passed. I could see the slow hitch in her stride and feel the hesitation in her sideways glance.

We were doing an even more awkward, I want to ask you something but I really don’t know how you’re going to feel about it dance…

i looked over "but really, what's new with you?" and stared quickly back at the heartbeat on the screen.

"Yeah, I’ve been wanting to talk to because your moves are awesome. I didn’t know you were such a good dancer. I want to ask you something…I need you to show me your moves man. I don’t know. I’m thinking of starting a class for mom’s you know…like a Striptease class. I mean it needs a new name but you know for mom’s who don’t feel sexy for their husbands anymore. You know I think it would be awesome to help them get that back."

"Aw man yes, that is awesome! Yes, it’s good to feel sexy in the bedroom." (oh god oh god oh god…how gay do I feel right now).

It was still unclear how I fit into this picture.

She said, "Have you seen the new room? There’s a huge meeting room and small rooms for classes and stuff…it’s awesome! We have video and projectors…I’ll have to take you back there sometime…"

It was sounding dangerously and a bit too gloriously like a scene from the L word. You want me to go with you alone to a darkened room to show you my dance moves? I thought I’d died and been embodied as Carmen? Or dare I think the ultimate lesbian lover Shane?

Sadly my brain was much too practical. I could not stay on what’s good (a harmless little fantasy?) and only focused on MY body. I had to tell her that no I had indeed not been back there and I was really looking forward to the vast new wonders of this new world in multi-media technology.

I said, "Sure that sounds cool. I can show you some hip hop!" (ug, where's my freak flag when i need it)

"Awesome man awesome! Yeah, I really want to do something for mom’s. you know give them back that sense of urrh. (chicka-bow wow...porn music)

I don’t mean crawling on the floor or anything…but you know."

No in that bedroom she’d just described I really didn’t. I don’t know why I said this but here’s what came out--"You mean poles? You want them dancing with poles?"

She laughed, "maybe if I could get them." Then came the even bigger question. "Do you think you could help teach…maybe I’d do it one night then you’d do a couple?"

Here is where I started to laugh. "You want me to stand up in front of a group of new mom’s to show them how to feel sexy for their husbands?"

"Well maybe you know just a hip hop class."

And somehow that sounded doable. "Okay maybe maaaybe I’m interested but…"

NO BUTS! "Okay when do you want to meet? We can go back to the room...kick around some ideas. You can show me some things."

"No," I thought, "really, I can’t." (I think my head will explode).

But I’ve been tutored well…so I said,

"How about I’ll like tell you how to do the moves and then you can like demonstrate? I can watch and tell you if you’re doing them right."

She liked the idea. : )

So, today at 3pm. I will be…helping my trainer plan her hip hop class which I might help teach and more important…watching a hot straight girl do some dancing for me…i am queen of Hop!

Happy Monday,

A-lo

a grocery store encounter or i'm not a melon...

Good Morning,

Here is something that happened to me at the grocery store last week. Hope you enjoy. : )


MARC'S GROCERY STORE WHERE DISCOUNTS COUNT! (or hey it's cheap)

"Sonny can you help me find the price on 1% milk?"

When called "Sonny" my inclination is to bolt.

"Here it is ma am’." The display sticker was in plain sight, the $2.99 price poorly hidden.

"Ooo is that how much it cost?" She said in mock surprise.

It was clear this was not going to be a quick interaction. I had stumbled upon someone old and lonely she had found someone stumbling through the dairy aisle.

I said, “Yes, I think all the varieties here cost the same."

Her pale blue eyes lit up as she perhaps noted my furrowed brow and the bead of sweat rolling down my face. Our eyes locked in a nod solidifying the unspoken agreement, age had earned her the right to ignore my iPod budded ears.

"Oh is that right?" She bent low to inspect the sticker. "Why you’re so smart!"

Yes ma am, but right now I am not kind...It was clear someone had just rolled their 90 yr. old out of the Lost & Found bin...to thin wisps of her gray hair clung a raspberry, knitted skull cap. Her torso sat snug in a fitted brown jacket, hands in bright red OSU gloves. Her pants were the unmistakable green of hospital scrubs and on her feet were some dark blue Crocs. Through the holes I could see a problem.

“uh, you don’t have any socks! Are you gonna be okay like that?"

It's winter here in Columbus...

Which prompted.

“Oh yes, and I have this awful pain in my shoulder" and the sharing of her resume.

She said, "I used to work in politics. You know I was supposed to write a book. I’ve been out of it 30 years. But if I did it…" her eyes darted. she looked over her shoulder…

(No one here but me and Elsie lady…)

"There’d be a scandal!"

Thirty years later I’m not sure who’s reputation is left to tarnish. I do know this would NOT make for very good reading, The philandering of the Franklin County Court judge in his 90’s.

"So, if I do (she interrupted my daydream) it’d have to be a comedy. I love to write!"

Perhaps here's my point. When you cannot run and you cannot hide...you cannot escape the discussion of an old person's medical history.

In addition to ailing shoulder and failing memory, I quickly learned she’d had two bouts with cancer once in her breast the other; colon.

Before I could heartily agree…"yes, I’d like to read it!" (her book)

I was poked and prodded in the chest and ascending and transverse colon. As if simple words were not enough to communicate the message, she needed to illustrate on a live model. Here is something few people and perhaps a melon can say--I’ve been squeezed and prodded by a 90yr. old lady in a grocery store.

By this time, she had stopped calling me "Sonny and talk had turned as they often do.

Was I a student? No.

Was I an OSU student? Yes. once. awhile ago.

Oh really? What did I study? Well, mostly my professors and sometimes my classmates. We called it psychology.

OOOoo she gave me the look my grandpa gives when told for some kids baggy drawers are "in" these days.

"Oooo I better not talk to you then." (hand gesture the CRAZY whirlybird).

I must admit I had a moment…20yrs. of school for this? Quickly it passed as I needlessly explained my specific focus and interest.

What do you do? Do you live alone? Does someone take care of you? Our conversation had taken a left turn. We were no longer walking down the pleasantries of the simple getting to know you path we were knee deep or neck deep in damaged person land. Where everyone has a broken body and a score to settle on the Yahtzee card.

Patience is hard to come by at this time of year but I managed. As I walked away, she even called me "brilliant girl." I called her Jane certain we will meet again.

Happy Monday.

Amanda
Deputy Clerk to Justice Jane

*yes, this really happened

MLK Jr. Tribute & Bill's Hotrods

Good Morning,

"Salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."
--Martin Luther King, Jr.

I never know how to celebrate MLK Jr. Day. If you recall, last year I tried to mark the occasion with a “ceremonial somersault” from the top of the ottoman…it ended badly.

This year i thought i'd try something different. Recently, I purchased a camcorder. I made a little "movical"...(i.e., kind of a movie, kind of a music video) tribute to this great leader.

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/iMovieTheater30.html

Hope you find it truly entertaining and educational.

Happy MLK Jr. Day.

Amanda

the parrot & so not urban dictionary

Good Morning,

Like Brett Favre slicing up the defense in the film room, lately I’ve been studying my dancing.

I've started to ask uh, what the heck am I doing? (I really don’t think he’s too smart, talented, yes...)

What I've learned so far is that dissecting every move is impeding my dancing!

Listening to NPR interviews within the urban dance community has confirmed an engaged intellect must be counterproductive to good moves…

"oh mos definaly (street dancing is being recognized as an art)
we gonna go down there on one accord,
everybody gonna be on one accord..."

No really, It was very eye-opening to hear about the deep level of structure and purpose the serious street dancer brings to their work.

Today, while i can't keep up with the physicality of my craft, i'd still like to contribute to my community (word up homies!). Here is my effort to distinguish among the various disciplines that fall under the urban dance umbrella. AND my new dance move--the parrot!

The "So Not Urban" Dance Dictionary

Krumping—you are angry about something and can gyrate your torso like a sea bird swallowing a fish.

Clowning—you perform basically the same moves as the krumper but in a playful, teasing manner.

You’re Break dancing if twirling on a piece of cardboard or still in the 80’s…

Jitting—if you have the foot quickness of Ronaldo and can scramble eggs with your feet?...you're jittin.' : )

Juking—same cat like quickness but you are more inclined to a simple straightforward kicking style…think that first move you do when stepping out onto the ice…whoopsie

Hip Hop—if performing "techniques" (popping, locking, freezes) or doing choreography alongside someone to a song you’ve heard on MTV...you're hip hop.

Funkateering-no idea but I love this term. How about...Exploring the limits of what one’s body can do to a funky beat. (yeah, with "my move" i did a little hip hop funkateering : )

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/iMovieTheater29.html

Happy Monday,

A-lo

17 Good Things About SCI

Good Morning,

Last week I had a Thoughtful Thursday...

That date (Jan. 3) marked 17 yrs. since SCI (spinal cord injury)…

With my undying love for the physical…running, jumping, climbing, sliding, diving, log rolling etc. I can honestly say if I had my choice I would still like to give it back.

…but God stamped NO RETURNS or yelled NO TAP-BACKS after this one.

(I’m even willing to stand in the customer service line after x- mas!!!...indefinitely)

BUT today I can also see there is much good. I've come up with a list.

17 Good Things About SCI

1. I get to meet interesting people

2. I get to use jargon or “lingo”

3. I have interesting scars that suggest character

4. I always wear tennis shoes

5. I get to watch TV drama and laugh. Soap opera paralysis..."after Ben operated on his own spinal cord. He faked his paralysis to keep Caroline..."

6. I get to judge all actors' performances for accurate limps (Martin on Frasier…not very good)

7. In general, The Salvation Army ringers ding at me less

8. I have options when it comes to chairs—most people like for disabled people to sit

9. I can honk my horn for service at the gas station...although I've never done this

10. I leave interesting tracks in the snow

11. I have an “in” with Gloria Estefan! Come on
shake that body baby do the Conga! (...tour bus
accident)

12. I would be a good parent. I have no problems
talking poop.

13. At the grocery, I can push my cart through the wrong set of automatic doors (because they’re closer)…and not raise a fuss

14. I get a big sense of accomplishment out of smaller things; e.g., I have been on "Arctic expeditions" cleaning off my car with crampons and ice pick! (cheap plastic ice scrapper and tennis shoes)

15. Clear vision-I can spot an a-hole a mile away!

16. Perfect way to hang out a little longer with people you like; SCI brings some really good people into your life…e.g., people who don’t mind waiting with you and being the last to leave a crowded movie theater.

17. I fall asleep fast and dream big

okay, Happy Monday.

--Amanda C5-C6, incomplete quad