Hair Coloring in a Nursing Home

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/.Public/haircolorred.mp4 (audio)


“Could you maybe bring me some hair dye and wrinkle cream?”

I always thought that would be a request I would hear from my mother as I struggled to leave her room at the nursing home…

Melissa who I always so tactfully describe as “my friend at the nursing home” had asked if on my next visit I might arrive with a box of Hydrience hair color and wrinkle cream.

“Wrinkle cream?” I laughed. “You don’t have any wrinkles. Now, I’ll get you some Preparation H. You got hemorrhoids?” Melissa laughed. So I continued, “you can also use it on puffy eyes…” but point being, I was not getting the wrinkle cream.

I had been with Melissa in the nursing home beauty shop when the friendly and kind stylist had said as she finished up the cut and skillfully put the headrest back on Melissa’s chair, “Yeah Melissa we need to get you some color? It’s just too darn expensive right now isn’t it?”

That had been over a month ago and still no signs of product (hair coloring).

Hair color--a simple and necessary freedom I thought as Melissa looked at my head a bit wistfully…

"Melissa, what color would you like?"

"Blond?" she said.

We then discussed maintenance and upkeep. Both agreeing she should save that til she won the lottery, moved to LA and had a stylist named Kiki to do a weekly touch up on the roots.

We decided on the color auburn red and I would be entrusted with going to the local drugstore or supermarket to buy the Hydrience or Nice and Easy.

Quickly I will say here I ran into Big Marcie at the local Kroger who helped direct me away from her particular shade of…um red, hot salsa. I think this is a good life rule to follow never let your hair be the color of something you would like to eat.

Anyway,

Attached is a picture of the two of us outside Melissa’s room at the nursing home. I’d also like to point out that in this picture I am standing. When I go to the nursing home is one of the few times I use my wheelchair. Melissa’s room is waaaay in the farthest reaches of this facility.

I have been denied access to the outside door of the locked unit three or more times. It is a sick feeling indeed staring someone deeply in the eyes and saying “no, no really, I’m not a patient here” and having the response come back “yeah I’ve heard that one before but not this time little Missy…”

(Panic, fear…that’s all I feel. And I grab for my cell phone. I don’t care if my friend has to come from Vermont. Someone better get me outta here!)

Anyway, not sure why I shared this just felt important.


Melissa and I have been friends for about 5 or 6 years. I can tell you with Melissa’s permission that these have not been very happy times. Melissa has a form of MD called Frederick’s Ataxia. This is a slowly progressive muscle wasting disorder that has left her in a power wheelchair without the strength to bath, dress, or consistently feed herself. Over the years it has even affected her speech.

Here’s Melissa in her own voice.

State your name
Where were you born?
What is your favorite sandwich from Subway?
Can you just say get the f out of my room you nasty bastard.
What cd would you like for me to burn?
What coloring product are we going to use today? Hydrience…

That was Melissa speaking in her own voice saying without the ability to communicate I’m pretty much screwed.


So point being,

Who says you can’t buy happiness? For $18.50 I was willing to try.

When I arrived last week with the product in hand I was expecting her eagerness to have the color but not for the reason that follows.

“What have you been up to?” She nonchalantly asked. I sputtered through the laundry list of tasks, errands and projects.

“I’ve got some news to tell you.”

“Okay, great. What’s up?”

She retracted with a coy little smile, cocked her head…

“I’ve been messin’ around a little.”

Okay, if she wants to mess around in the nursing home as long as she’s safe…I’m all for it.

“With who?” I said trying to keep surprise out of my voice. In my two-week absence she had managed to meet three men. She ran into one with her chair, one found her when she was stuck in a privacy curtain and the other was the son of another resident. (Thankfully none of them worked there).

I’m pretty much all Melissa has up here. Sometimes I feel more like a guardian or protective parent than a friend. To this end, I still have my eye on these men. One must balance a sense of guardianship or “big sisterliness” with the disableds’ sexual needs and interests.

If you think about it, even a prisoner is awarded a conjugal visit. At age 37 in the nursing home, you are robbed of physical ability until only strong, healthy desire remains. Melissa has shared she’d forced out of her mind entertaining even the mere thought of getting to know someone intimately. Any approach is experienced as a tease.

So…

I’m not sure how to put this delicately so I’ll just say it. Melissa has nursing home hair.
We all know how we might feel if our hair was flat, stuck to our head and sticking up like a troll doll. Perhaps for instance with all this summer heat and humidity how you feel this morning or after a good long run. Yep, this is the look you are stuck with for pretty much the entire year in a nursing home. Now imagine taking this look out on a date…as Ellen would say, Am I right ladies?

I knew the time to act was NOW! “Melissa you need that hair color today if we’re to maintain this life giving energy! So, who do you think we can get to do it?”

The nursing home stylist spends one day of her workweek at the nursing home. The residents or their families pay per hair do. The stylists day is a Monday and…

We did a little calculating…

Average cost of a good/professionally done hair coloring/highlight…$85 dollars. With supplying one’s own product? $45? $35 maybe because the beautician’s nice?

But still, the number of Bingo games she would have to win to have a professional hair coloring was astronomical…Melissa gets $.25 to put towards purchases in the gift shop or beauty salon for winning a game of BINGO.

I did the Math “Okay Melissa you’re going to have to win approximately 320 games of BINGO before you get your hair done.” Oooo that’s not good.


In the photo, that’s me in my Auburn sweatshirt. I wear it A LOT…and still think it looks good. When it comes to style and fashion I do not have the typical feminine interests.

So, very understandable, I thought when Melissa asked with eyes filled with hope and desperation,

“Did you ever have a Barbie?”

“No why?” I asked.

“I was thinking maybe you could do it?”

Fear then excitement. I reacted at first as if she’d just asked me to lop off one of her toes. “Oh, no, no, no I couldn’t no…”

Then here’s what watching the Bravo TV Sat. afternoon marathons running on an elliptical machine will do to you

“Well you know, maybe I could?” I’d been watching that “Sheer Genius” show. I imagined in my mind the skill with which I would part and section the hair. How I might out “do” the dastardly Tabitha and add in a strand or two of “hot salsa” to stick it to that Dr. Boogie.

I consulted with my stylist Tiffany.

“Sure I think you could do it.” I entered the notes into my laptop just as she’d said. Practiced opening and stretching both hands…

Somewhat to my disappointment it did not come to this.

I talked to the activities director in charge of beauty shop operation last Friday.

She looked at me with a mix of amusement and utter confusion as I explained my plan…I had the willingness and eagerness to do it! I could have her wear goggles and a mask. I would bring my assistant Mitty (…the Kitty, shhhhh don’t tell). All we needed was access to the beauty shop with the funky sink!

After I left, the speed with which she must have rundown to the beauty shop and put Melissa’s name on the stylist’s sign-up sheet must have been tremendous. Written in clear blue pen was Melissa COLOR! Squeezed in between two scratched out names.

Clara Bell perm
Melissa COLOR
Constance set and perm

My point?

I believe there’s a tricky balance between parent, guardian and friend in being there for someone like Melissa and at least for me it feels okay to be all three. Further, I might not always get to have the great fun I dream of (doing the hair coloring) but this does not mean there’s nothing left for me to do…

I must be off! There’s a little more tutoring I need to do to help facilitate the development of a budding romance.

Before I left last week in Melissa’s room…

“Dating Tips from Amanda Love”

“Okay Melissa, the Cavs are a basketball team. Right now they are in the playoffs.”

“Oh, I thought they played baseball,” she said.

“Okay, close but no. Try getting his attention with…’Hey, how about them Cavs?’”

“Cavs?” she looked at me suggesting like calves on your legs…that’s the craziest/stupidest…

“or remember this name, LeBron James. Say ‘I think LeBron’s gonna drop 40 on em tonight.’ or or ‘King James!’”

“Who? Are you saying LaVeren?”

“No, Le Bron, people call him King James…he’s very good.”

She again gave me the look like that’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard, but if you insist…then said, “Hey did you hear about the babies who were conjoined at the head?”

“No, no don’t start with that…”

Anyway, Happy Monday.

(that end there was supposed to be a little bonus : )

Amanda

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/.Public/haircolorred.mp4