choreography or let's get it ON!

Refresher

*the "hot trainer" asked me to help her plan her new aerobics/hip hop class
*the "hot trainer" is straight...she does not know I'm gay

"Choreography or Let's Get in ON!"

There was a wood floor with panels so fresh they were springy and cracked with each step, a large store front window looking out into a steadily trafficked parking lot, and every manner or fitness accessory equipment awaiting on the sides. A whole stack of padded banquet chairs…most likely for the "SeniorSneakers" Fitness Class I’ve enjoyed watching on Monday mornings in the past, sat in the corner.

"Are ya ready! Are ya ready!"

"Oh yeah, I’m feelin’ it."

Here's Mel’s personality. She is younger than me, 26 years old. She has a contagious energy that can be witnessed throughout the gym. I've often watched as she’s high fived her clients, encouraging them with shout outs…AWESOME, ONE MORE! AWESOME! She doesn’t bubble. She kind of gets overtaken with some childish charm and then EXPLODES into funny routines that always make people, me included, laugh.

A Fergie song blasted into the room, "what do you think?"

"Oh yes, I like Fergie…" (It’s also kinda slow and I can’t dance to this).

"Okay, so let me tell you what I’m wanting to do with this class." She said, "right now it’s called Sizzle FoSchizzle or something stupid like that…it's going to be for new mom’s…you know give them something sexy they can do for their husbands."

"what?"

No, here’s something she did not tell me. She lies. In the time since our chat on the elliptical machine, the hip hop class had been scratched and Sizzlin’ Sexiness had been re-chisled in its place (chiseled in stone). no technology room...just this Flashdance-sized dance space. But, i've learned there is NO arguing when there’s a clipboard involved.

"You didn’t know what you were getting into did you?" She smiled.

"No, I guess I didn’t."

I admit to being disappointed. My dreams of offering hip hop instruction...feeling a sense of my body as expert again in the flesh quickly faded…

However, I've learned quick recovery skills! I was excited to be co collaborator on this project!

"Great we’re doin’ choreography!" I placed myself at the head of the room, mirror at my back. I'd appointed myself head choreographer.

I instructed "hip hop does not equal sensual dance. Hip hop has popping, locking and freezes. The attitude is like that of krumpers…in your face! In the seductive dance, one wants smooth, flowing lines, to be alluring…"

I pulled out my best set of moves…the "oh no you didn’t" head roll, popping and locking, start the lawnmower…

We quickly agreed yeah that’s not it.

She looked to me for more moves. I was out of them.

"Alright," she rallied, "we need a routine!"

We agreed we would need something that would work well in a confined space...such as the bedroom.

"It’s really all about the attitude."

She shook her head dutifully, grabbed the clipboard, and prepared to write.

"How about you start with a simple shoulder roll?" I demonstrated.

"I like it! I like it!" She scribbled and encouraged.

"Well, then you got to loosen up your hips."

"Like this?" She rolled up through her hips.

okay yep we're warmed up...

"No, no, show me how you did that!"

And, i don’t know why exactly I said this but here’s what came out. “Mel I am a very inhibited individual!" but I tried anyway.

After admiring my move, she laughed.

"I think we need to go to a stripclub for our next project. Can you imagine you and me in there? We’d be like (embarrased...looking at the floor)."

"no i can't. that would be bad." (how gay do i feel right now?)

"ooh i know, maybe we need a different song!" She ran over to the largest piece of equipment in the room, a sound system roughly the size of a refrigerator, squatted her booty in my direction and played...

Sexual Healing (Marvin Gaye)

get up, get up, get up, get up
wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up
aw baby let's get down tonight...

She yelled “It’s gonna get a little racey in here! A-lo and I are gonna get it on now aren’t we A-lo!"

a wayward jump roper and a young man pushing a floor mop...smiling goofily had joined us.

"yes. we're gonna be doin' somethin."

the mopper and jump roper broke out into smiles.

Back to the choreography!

She raced back! "I'm sweatin' now!"

She focused. "How am I gonna get down to the floor?" We settled for the knee slide. (Not the third grader knee slide but some Shakira/Beyonce version)

"Okay, how about if then I do this…" she kicked her legs in a fanning motion lifting one leg over the other until she ended up in a seated cross-legged position.

"Okay on you that was very good but not everybody’s going to look good doing that."

She laughed. "That’s what I love about you. You get right to the point sometimes." We shared a laugh as she acted out the unfortunate souls inhibited bedroom behavior. The hilarity brought her to standing and then carried over into a bawdy but entertaining combination of moves.

I got to yell “fly girl” and high five her at the end…

Getting back to business!

Seated in a squatting position…she looked perplexed. "Maybe I will need to have a little crawling…How would you do it?"

"Oh well, you know...(very poorly) so he’s gonna have to help her out a little. Maybe he should just like go over there and…help her up." (eerrrt, not good Mav! Not good!)

She looked surprised, "yeah and then uh. Uh. Uh."

I laughed.

"okay. (Crawl, crawl) How was that?"

"That was awesome, veery good." For a moment she had actually looked afraid and vulnerable. "...just be veeery careful when you use that with the mom’s. you don't want them getting laughed at."

Next, we tried various poses and positions to bring her to standing.

"How about you kind a snake up and do that hip roll thing again?" And I will work on not looking or (what’s a harmless little fantasy?). I looked. No staring.

How hard is it not to stare in these moments? At times mind boggling. Other times no problem at all. I just focus on MY body...(immediate mood killer)

"What's next?" she said.

I could only think of one thing. "well, we’ve done away, away, away..now we need you presenting coming toward him."

"Yeah you’re right! Cause right now he’s gonna be ready to rip her clothes off!"

definitely. i mean yes, that could happen.

We penciled in 2 walk ups, turn and look over shoulder. (step, step, step)

(How lucky is this Greg guy?…oh mercy)

This simply came out...

"Oooo good. Good. Very good." with clapping. "He’s gonna love it!"

"Now what?"

"Oh I don’t think you need to do more…cause like you said, he’s gonna just rip her clothes off."

I reminded her we’d already ruled out imaginary pole dancing. These are new mom’s not hoochie mama’s. We ended the routine on a playful yet racy note.

…butt out, feet together, hands on knees which i'm quite certain works only in the straight bedroom.

"Alright, one time all the way through!" (to make sure she had it). She raced over to reset the music. I had not moved from my position. not sure I could've...

"well?" she said.

I'm still a little speechless from watching the whole routine unfold.

"oh wow, thank you, you were great! wonderful."

"No, no Thank you, thank you soooo much," she said. "Let me know if you can think of anything else for us to do..."

I left clinging to the choreography notes in my sweaty hand.

I assured her no, I cannot think of anything else.

Happy Monday,

A-Lo

"Outtro Music-Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get it On” : )

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/iMovieTheater31.html
*re-enactment