dads who date

Good Morning,

The other day on the phone I asked my dad if he remembered what Judy was wearing on their first date. After a moments hesitation, he said, "yes, she was wearing a gray pant suit and a pink sweater top."

I've since tried to figure out what my response would have been..."uh, pants and something pink."

...yes, genetics is a funny thing.

in honor of their upcoming ONE YEAR dating anniversary, i thought i'd re-run the story of how they met : ).

Happy Monday,
Amanda

***********************

March 2007

INTRO

My dad has been divorced for six years not once has there been a “meet the kids” date. I thought I would give him a strong healthy push in that direction when I was home last weekend for his 60th birthday.

Project/Activity: Set your divorced dad (or mom) up on an on-line dating service

Previous Attempts: 1

EPISODE: "I am Never without a Flower and a Good Book"

START

You might think having someone who is crafty would be helpful to my dad in filling out his profile. Here I will admit (only temporarily) that I have been involved in the on-line dating scene. I made up my own profile. Here was the last message I received in my Inbox:

“I like to chat with you some time, i founf your profile interesting and would like to know more. However 1 question r u a black women?”

This and several other things I did not share with my dad as we sat huddled on folding chairs in front of the computer.

Although uncertain about my abilities to help craft a dateable profile, I was sure about the importance of attracting a good woman.

She would possibly be that someone sharing the Thanksgiving table with us.

She needed to be someone I could imagine wiping his bum when he’s 80…

And most importantly she’s going to be the one responsible for buying him the BIG Christmas present.

“Okay, so we’re looking for…a goood picture of you Dad.” (that is, deeper considerations are quickly abandoned when presents are involved).

“Do I have one?” he said.

“Yes, of course you do.” They were conspicuously marked in a folder labeled Dad photos. Evidence that my brother had organized the first on-line dating effort. In the pace of snails and slugs, the simple head shot uploaded to the site.

It did not take a supersleuth to determine why my dad's initial foray into the world of on-line dating was not a success. He has a dial-up connection and a Wal-Mart e-mail account...(helloooo ladies) I haven’t checked the books on this one yet but, I’d say the odds were 1 in 87 billion that he would succeed.

Anyway,

There is a certain amount of excitement in filling out the profile. The opportunity to create someone…you’ve never been.

“Dad, how tall are you?”

“5’11”

I am 5’9 when I’d hugged my dad the previous morning we were eye-to-eye.

“Since when? If you’re 5’11 then I get to be 6’0.” We settled on a healthy 5’10.

“Weight?” Here the drop down box gives options: slender, average, muscular, few extra pounds

“Well, slender.”

Most men might hesitate at using this term, not my dad. I tried explaining the feminine connotation of this word suggesting that “slender” along with his interests in decorating, flowers and dancing might not be an adequate counterbalance to his qualities in the man department…

This is something I like about my dad. He did not care. A man proud to be slender not average—that’s my dad!

The online dating profile is the opportunity to bring forth your best self. Here’s a bit of “entercation” (i.e. entertainment/education)

In filling out a profile from an alternative perspective…

It’s fun to feel above the dating scene. It’s no fun to be in it. It’s a little worse when you are disabled and even more when you identify as Buddhist. I always want to save on the complications later. There will be no Thanksgiving dinner announcements. There will be no when are we going to tell your parents about all this?

Questions I’ve had…

Do you keep files on people?

How do you introduce yourself?

How do you present your “self” as a commodity when you’re Buddhist?

As you can see the situation is complex.

This is why I enjoy hearing that for my dad and others like him a “deal breaker”can be simple things like a bad hairdo... (still one of life's biggest concerns).

There was a time when I wanted to learn a formal dance for a friend’s wedding. My dad is a good dancer (specify ballroom…). He came to Columbus and accompanied me for my “graduation” lesson. At the Dance school, the floor was replete with young couples and the older set I assumed practicing for competitions and weddings.

…the instructor was adamant yet patient as we waltzed across the floor to Dad’s lead. Dad went glide, glide, giddy-up and I went STOMP STOMP STOMP. “Dad listen to the instructor. We’re taking a lesson!”

Dad’s ability to take the lead did not apply to dating profiles…our efforts lagged and lulled. His face flashed a look of concern and mental faculties halted to a complete stop at our next section of the profile—YOUR DATE--the place to provide characteristics and attributes of the person you would ideally like to meet.

The question about keeping a file on someone?...in theory it was answered. My dad was able to produce a prototype from his first on-line dating effort that didn’t pan out. He still had her profile.

Pure gold. I asked if I could see it. Dad hesitated, looking a bit sick and stricken. I promised not to tease, judge or tell anyone (oops). She was/is an attractive lady, slender, nice smile. From her stated interests she indeed earned her title “Classyladyfriend.” (*name changed to protect the innocent).

At times having this made things far easier than perhaps they should have been. Dad and his Classyladyfriend were going to have profiles that look like they got stuck in the ditto machine.

At other times having the profile made things MUCH MUCH harder…

When we arrived at the Turn Ons/Turn Offs section

Dad sat clutching his profile. In his eyes I thought I saw a spark of hope. Knowing a parent’s turn-ons/turn offs…I thought, this is guaranteed to turn me off to anything for the next 32 years. We settled on tattoos and body piercings Turn Offs, dancing and romantic dinners Turn Ons. The rest he would just have to wait until later and fill out on his own.

“What makes me unique? What makes me special?”

It is sad that Dad had to ask this question. I had a memory full of a daughter’s words but these words only seem to matter when spoken. They fail to endear or compel when crammed into a dialog box 350 characters or less—but the heck if I wouldn’t try!

I lovingly encouraged my dad to go away and think about what made him special while I worked some magic into the profile. (an artist must be left to her work…). Five minutes later, my dad returned and proudly handed me a little note with some penciled down items (underlined).

Christmas

Flowers (double underlined--*very important)

Reading a new book every week

Cleaning house

I proudly turned in my seat. “Okay Dad, I’ll look at that but first listen to what I wrote.” I smiled all the love and encouragement I could muster after ventilating some of the extra heat I’d generated underneath my sweatshirt. I was hot, tired and ready for Father-Daughter Day Activity number two- Go with dad to the recreation center for a good workout!

Dad stood nonplussed, a quizzical look in his expression after I finished my dramatic reading.

“Oh so you wrote it like a book there…I mean can’t I just say I like Christmas?”

I’m not sure where I ever got this idea that life needed to be so complicated. I put away (my marker board, quill pen and etching stone) the careful crafting tools of the wordsmith and simply wrote a new headline and front page teaser.

Posted and pending approval from the Website, Dad’s headshot now appeared with the headline:

“I am never without a flower and a good book.”

And underneath…

“I like Christmas. Let’s clean house together.”

I must say this was a strange kind of power I did not enjoy. The technically incompetent should not have to suffer.

“What did you do?” My dad asked. “What does it (the profile) say now?”

“Well, Dad, reading it says…you’re a woman.”

Panic.

"Okay, okay we’ll change it." On the third attempt we arrived at a satisfactory profile.

I left him with instructions on how to cancel the account and remove the profile should word leak into the community that he’s out a lookin’ for the ladies on-line.

And thus ends my submission for a Brownie badge. Happy Girl Scouts Week and Happy Monday. Your Troop Leader,
Amanda