the answering machine or more fun with Morning Dad...

Good Morning,

This is my NPR submission for the week : ). More fun with "Morning Dad."

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/iMovieTheater51.html

below is the text of the story.

Happy Holidays,

Amanda


The Answering Machine

I haven’t heard too much from my dad lately…It’s funny what love can do to a person...Monday night dance lessons…“Is it Friday yet?" Wednesdays... It's Friday night Date Nights!!!

...weekends once filled with those lonely cold drives to the boys high school basketball games are now spent zooming the chariot between cities to woo his fair haired lady!!!(Judy,Judy,Judy)

But as in every life once the craziness ends one must find balance. Every once in awhile Dad returns to our routine Sunday night phone call and drops anchor.

Last weekend I learned...

At least in some of our nation’s banks, it’s pretty much life as usual.

Dad needed to use up his vacation days before the end of the year. With every holiday ribbon already strewn through the table settings, each little jingle bell already adding that "extra little touch" to the windowsills...He had decided to take the week off to do a little x-mas shopping.

If you can recall from "Dad's Who Date," (an early writing) my dad...loves Christmas! but i think he just really likes decorating for it.

As our Sunday evening phone conversation dwindled to pauses and repeat topics (Brother would you please call Dad?), I could see the worry crease in his forehead deepen. The first step to this chore began with...getting a list.

Dad needed the "30 seconds to talk me down" Rachel Maddow segment.

"Dad,” I said, “Christmas gifts are not that hard. just think of something you like about the person or their interests and support them."

i gave the encouraging "...and it doesn't have to be big."

"well, you know, maybe you could just jot down a couple items. i promise i won't get you any clothes...you know just a couple items as you think of them..."

i've noticed even the experts can't talk Rachel down so i didn't feel too bad about may failure to reassure.

i simply promised to call with a "Dad Do-able" x-mas list ASAP!

As some of you may know, I am recently CPR certified (thank you to the two people who will accept my assistance)...

I’ve learned that in order to tell if your loved one is having a stroke you can use this simple check list FAST!

F- face- face droopage
A- arms- weakness or numbness in one arm
S- speech- slurred or difficulty getting words out (caution: also seen in other conditions such as sloppy drunkeness)
T- Time to call 9-1-1 if you see any of these signs!

or if you're like me i say...

If you would like earlier signs, check the status of their answering machine message. I believe a sure sign an aging parent is letting is slip a little is when they can no longer figure out their electronic equipment.

So...back to my story

For a full 10 minutes i sat pen in hand and brainstormed ENJOYABLE DAD SHOPPING ITEMS...

I dialed home early during peek alertness hours on Monday morning.

"This Power Star user is not available...beep."

I hung up unsure what to say to Dad's automaton.

Then I remembered the significant windstorm and that my dad no longer attempts to personalize or reset the answering machine message after a power outage.

had I more time with that greeting I think I would have left a rousing rendition of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” (the voice of the automatron just fills you with the spirit)

I'll be home for Chriiistmaaaas yooou can count (click...goodbye).

Determined I called back. I had just under two seconds to blurt out

“a nice piece of luggage!” (click)

There was no reassuring telephone number to check with. I just had to take that leap of faith that it's the person you are calling and not some stranger who will hear you say...

"and maybe some bath towels?..."

I took a breather and tried again at a different time of day.

Beep…

“Dad I would like bath towels…(click)a GPS system, night vision goggles and a robot!”

and again...

"Dad, I would like a piece of luggage, bath towels and (click) curlers for my hair damnit!"

beeeeeep

“Dad, it’s me please check your e-mail!”

There are many things I am glad did not get recorded when leaving my harried two second Christmas list.

Tonight I've just learned during the course of the week, my Dad has done his shopping. No list. So, this Christmas I am looking forward to opening my new puffy yet tasteful dressy-casual vest…urrrg! Life as usual.



p.s. mitty said it's always best to end these segments with a song : )

http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/b4115f968