CPR Certified!

Good Morning,

Last week after a few good romps on the floor with Recessa-Annie I became CPR and First Aid certified! In my training I learned, in order to be protected under the Good Samaritan laws, I must obtain consent before administering care. Since I figure many of you are the folks I might need to administer to I just figure there are a couple important things you should be aware of before giving me the "go ahead..."

If you need CPR for a heart related condition

1. please pass out with right arm extended so I can put you in the recovery position (on your side with one arm extended underneath head, other arm folded across chest, and legs lined up, top leg bent at 90...and roooolll...wheewh).

2. If you are unconscious on the floor, i will want to spend the first 5min. rubbing your shoulder uttering "I'm soooo, sorry..." THEN I will check for signs of life.

3. Please DO NOT have any communicable diseases. I will only make whistle noises on your face when blowing through the safety mask.

If you are choking...

4. I will not be able to support your body weight when going down, but i promise to deliver a "pile driver" elbow to your back when we land (that'll get the food morsel up and a lung...).

5. when lying on your back on the floor, please jut your own jaw forward. that little number is a tricky little test in manual dexterity.

6. there will be no finger sweeping. again, (if you think this unfair) please keep in mind one, manual dexterity and two...you will probably soon be vomiting on me (as i roll you into the recovery position...wheewh)

If you need First Aid...

7. If you break your arm, i can fashion you a sling with my kerchief BUT you might have to tie it

8. again, please DO NOT have any communicable diseases. i can get my disposable gloves off ONLY touching the inside ONLY if i can rub and touch on many outside surfaces...table tops, chair backs, neighbors' shirts...

9. if you have heat exhaustion or have fallen into a frozen pond. please be prepared to take your own clothes off...unless you are HOT and then i'll give it my best...(oops did i just say that out loud? : )

and

10. please no burns (2nd or 3rd degree), cuts with embedded objects, bones sticking through the skin requiring immobilization and soft splinting OR bee stings where I have to walk rapidly to retrieve your epi-pen.

yep, just need the thumbs up!

Happy Monday,

Amanda "Flo" Nightingale
"pioneering nurse, writer, and hip hop dancer"