the answering machine or more fun with Morning Dad...

Good Morning,

This is my NPR submission for the week : ). More fun with "Morning Dad."

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/iMovieTheater51.html

below is the text of the story.

Happy Holidays,

Amanda


The Answering Machine

I haven’t heard too much from my dad lately…It’s funny what love can do to a person...Monday night dance lessons…“Is it Friday yet?" Wednesdays... It's Friday night Date Nights!!!

...weekends once filled with those lonely cold drives to the boys high school basketball games are now spent zooming the chariot between cities to woo his fair haired lady!!!(Judy,Judy,Judy)

But as in every life once the craziness ends one must find balance. Every once in awhile Dad returns to our routine Sunday night phone call and drops anchor.

Last weekend I learned...

At least in some of our nation’s banks, it’s pretty much life as usual.

Dad needed to use up his vacation days before the end of the year. With every holiday ribbon already strewn through the table settings, each little jingle bell already adding that "extra little touch" to the windowsills...He had decided to take the week off to do a little x-mas shopping.

If you can recall from "Dad's Who Date," (an early writing) my dad...loves Christmas! but i think he just really likes decorating for it.

As our Sunday evening phone conversation dwindled to pauses and repeat topics (Brother would you please call Dad?), I could see the worry crease in his forehead deepen. The first step to this chore began with...getting a list.

Dad needed the "30 seconds to talk me down" Rachel Maddow segment.

"Dad,” I said, “Christmas gifts are not that hard. just think of something you like about the person or their interests and support them."

i gave the encouraging "...and it doesn't have to be big."

"well, you know, maybe you could just jot down a couple items. i promise i won't get you any clothes...you know just a couple items as you think of them..."

i've noticed even the experts can't talk Rachel down so i didn't feel too bad about may failure to reassure.

i simply promised to call with a "Dad Do-able" x-mas list ASAP!

As some of you may know, I am recently CPR certified (thank you to the two people who will accept my assistance)...

I’ve learned that in order to tell if your loved one is having a stroke you can use this simple check list FAST!

F- face- face droopage
A- arms- weakness or numbness in one arm
S- speech- slurred or difficulty getting words out (caution: also seen in other conditions such as sloppy drunkeness)
T- Time to call 9-1-1 if you see any of these signs!

or if you're like me i say...

If you would like earlier signs, check the status of their answering machine message. I believe a sure sign an aging parent is letting is slip a little is when they can no longer figure out their electronic equipment.

So...back to my story

For a full 10 minutes i sat pen in hand and brainstormed ENJOYABLE DAD SHOPPING ITEMS...

I dialed home early during peek alertness hours on Monday morning.

"This Power Star user is not available...beep."

I hung up unsure what to say to Dad's automaton.

Then I remembered the significant windstorm and that my dad no longer attempts to personalize or reset the answering machine message after a power outage.

had I more time with that greeting I think I would have left a rousing rendition of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” (the voice of the automatron just fills you with the spirit)

I'll be home for Chriiistmaaaas yooou can count (click...goodbye).

Determined I called back. I had just under two seconds to blurt out

“a nice piece of luggage!” (click)

There was no reassuring telephone number to check with. I just had to take that leap of faith that it's the person you are calling and not some stranger who will hear you say...

"and maybe some bath towels?..."

I took a breather and tried again at a different time of day.

Beep…

“Dad I would like bath towels…(click)a GPS system, night vision goggles and a robot!”

and again...

"Dad, I would like a piece of luggage, bath towels and (click) curlers for my hair damnit!"

beeeeeep

“Dad, it’s me please check your e-mail!”

There are many things I am glad did not get recorded when leaving my harried two second Christmas list.

Tonight I've just learned during the course of the week, my Dad has done his shopping. No list. So, this Christmas I am looking forward to opening my new puffy yet tasteful dressy-casual vest…urrrg! Life as usual.



p.s. mitty said it's always best to end these segments with a song : )

http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/b4115f968

We Got Spirit!

just something to help you get in that holiday spirit...




Happy Holidays,

A-lo & Mitty

CPR Certified!

Good Morning,

Last week after a few good romps on the floor with Recessa-Annie I became CPR and First Aid certified! In my training I learned, in order to be protected under the Good Samaritan laws, I must obtain consent before administering care. Since I figure many of you are the folks I might need to administer to I just figure there are a couple important things you should be aware of before giving me the "go ahead..."

If you need CPR for a heart related condition

1. please pass out with right arm extended so I can put you in the recovery position (on your side with one arm extended underneath head, other arm folded across chest, and legs lined up, top leg bent at 90...and roooolll...wheewh).

2. If you are unconscious on the floor, i will want to spend the first 5min. rubbing your shoulder uttering "I'm soooo, sorry..." THEN I will check for signs of life.

3. Please DO NOT have any communicable diseases. I will only make whistle noises on your face when blowing through the safety mask.

If you are choking...

4. I will not be able to support your body weight when going down, but i promise to deliver a "pile driver" elbow to your back when we land (that'll get the food morsel up and a lung...).

5. when lying on your back on the floor, please jut your own jaw forward. that little number is a tricky little test in manual dexterity.

6. there will be no finger sweeping. again, (if you think this unfair) please keep in mind one, manual dexterity and two...you will probably soon be vomiting on me (as i roll you into the recovery position...wheewh)

If you need First Aid...

7. If you break your arm, i can fashion you a sling with my kerchief BUT you might have to tie it

8. again, please DO NOT have any communicable diseases. i can get my disposable gloves off ONLY touching the inside ONLY if i can rub and touch on many outside surfaces...table tops, chair backs, neighbors' shirts...

9. if you have heat exhaustion or have fallen into a frozen pond. please be prepared to take your own clothes off...unless you are HOT and then i'll give it my best...(oops did i just say that out loud? : )

and

10. please no burns (2nd or 3rd degree), cuts with embedded objects, bones sticking through the skin requiring immobilization and soft splinting OR bee stings where I have to walk rapidly to retrieve your epi-pen.

yep, just need the thumbs up!

Happy Monday,

Amanda "Flo" Nightingale
"pioneering nurse, writer, and hip hop dancer"

12 Days of TLC or I think I had the flu...

Good Morning,

I'd have to say my least favorite part of my day job right now is administering the WRAT (Rat!). The Wide Range Achievement Test (WRAT) looks at four areas of a person's abilities- spelling, word reading, sentence comprehension, and math. It's never fun to sit and watch the grown adult trying to work the oral math problems silently with a pencil. (I don't like to stop anyone who is coloring...).

Sometimes while I wait for folks to finish, I like to come up with my own little ditties.

I was down with the flu over the Thanksgiving holiday. Thankfully, I was significantly aided in my recovery by my true love(s) Mitty and Shan : ). I thought I'd pay tribute this morning with this little number : ). Hope you enjoy...plug your ears?



Happy Monday,

Amanda
A-lo Tone Deaf

5 Ingredients to Happiness

Good Morning,

In these difficult economic times, I've been asking WWBTGD?

What Would Buddha Teacher Gil Do?

I do not think he would suggest abandoning our consumer behaviors and picking up the alms bowl. I do not think he would talk about greed and the Middle Way. What I think he would suggest is looking into our daily lives for those mindful moments that keep our values straight.

This past weekend I went to visit my friend Melissa in the "Nursing Care Facility." Before I left, she asked if I could pick up a couple items from the store. At the most basic level, I'm carrying this list in my pocket. I haven't processed it completely yet but I'm sharing this list and what each item means to me...because somewhere in there I think you can find


5 Ingredients for Happiness

--Q-Tips- it's important to always listen before you speak

--Little Debbie NASCAR Snack Cakes - always ask Are You Sure? when you start to close down and feel things can only be one way (i.e., really?...really? "Little Debbie" wants a piece of nasty NASCAR...)

--Little Debbie Banana Nut Muffins- always bring something to share

--good smelling lotion- it's okay to treat your skin AND your nose. why get a nasty smelling lotion if you can make 2 for 1 happy?

--A & D ointment- into every life there will be those sore spots and ugliness that need ointment

okay, sorry for the half-baked thoughts this morning.

Happy Monday,

Amanda