deflopping my creative muscle

Good Morning,

I was having dinner with my friend Martine, last week. Martine is a spirited, middle-aged woman from Belgium. As the conversation turned to the larger social sphere, I learned a new word. Martine shared with me how she had nursed her ailing mother back to health this summer and that things were okay because in Europe the (social) system is more "deflopped."

deflopped sounded bad but the context suggested that it was good.

I later learned that in French the word developed is pronounced developee (de ve lop pay) which through a mouth full of hummus in a Mediterranean restaurant can sound an awful lot like deflopped.

"Martine? Did you say deflopped?"

She turned, delighted but confused by my question. "Deflopped? No, eh..." she laughed, "developed...no, no Amandah in French, we say developee..."

This morning, to my ear, the word is still deflopped. : )

1. deflopped- (adj. de flopped) the meaning is negative. It means miserable, without hope.

e.g. In America, the economic system is deflopped. The social system is pretty deflopped too.

i guess this leaves the positive alternative...flopped.

2. flopped- (adj. flopped) full of promise, great optimism and hope.

e.g., I like Barack Obama because he's flopped. or...after work today i'm going to the gym to flop my muscles! (okay, it does not work in all situations).

my, uh, point?

I like new words. I've been deflopping my creative muscle lately and would like to offer up some neologisms (yes, i had to look that word up).

According to the on-line American Dictionary, neologisms are:

1. A new word, expression, or usage.
2. The creation or use of new words or senses.

What I've come up with are:

Neurological neologisms- words from my recent airport travel

McSquishy- (Mick Squishy) the taxi driver who quickly manages to get the wheelchair into the trunk (he has to squishy something to get the tires in)

Stuffication- the feeling you get when trapped next to a very chatty Danish woman on a business trip

Colostophobia- what you experience when she shares a little too much after her second glass of wine

Tipping- what you are NOT supposed to do in your sporty wheelchair but rather the money you give to the transport people

Toddlerizing- when security refers to all of your travel companions or friends as your mother...

Dope Pushers- usually young African American men (i'm just saying...these are the guys who get these jobs. the Biffs and Bradley's of the world are carrying bags at The Club). they are strong and full of too much energy. it comes out in ways such as...giving you, in the wheelchair, one GIIIIIANT PUSH...standing back, and then running after you to catch up before you stop and/or hit something...you know like a person, or a wall.

okay, and a few more from the grocery store parking lot (it was a long week)

Ass halted- when you get your ass halted by a stranger, usually well-meaning, who unapologetically grabs, pats, pulls or pokes you in the name of Jesus

BooBooism- closely related to toddlerizing this is when you ask someone with a SCI when is it going to get better? (hint: it's probably not)

Gohomeopathetic medicine- a phrase i would like to coin for anyone who wants to stick mudpacks on me

Hoprah- actually her name was Cathy but she had Hope and the self-assured vision of Oprah

Shamens- to me the equivalent of the biblical lepers. someone to be stayed away from but loved...people who view a disability or SCI as a shame and then promise you healing through prayer...and amens!

Noseyological research- this is similar to nosological research

(*nosology-The branch of medicine that deals with the classification of diseases.

*noseyology- the branch of human interest that seeks to define and understand disabled people in public).

I find it okay when someone's doing noseyological research one-on-one or at an in-private level but in the parking lot at Krogers it's off-putting.

When someone starts a conversation with

"How are you? I see you a lot. Do you have…MS? Is it CP?"

I know they are doing noseyological research.


Anyway,

I'd like to end with an example story to sum up, to see if you can identify or apply some of these terms BUT...I think this is probably enough "entercation" (entertainment and education) for one day... : )

Happy Monday,

Amanda : )

Head of Noseyological Research at the Institute of Wobbly People
in Columbus, OH
1-800-WHY-ME?? (toll free)
1-800-TOO-SEXY (fax)

Carlotta

Good Morning,

I learned something about myself last week. If you look like Mrs. Butterworth, you will get in my car.

That is, I was at least somewhat wittingly a participant in an interesting (read entertaining) scam.

I was sitting in my car at an intersection in downtown Columbus when a broad-hipped woman in flip flops asked me to roll down my window so she could tell me her car was being towed. She had a cell phone but did not have any money to get her car "depounded."

It was one of those moments in life you're not really prepared for…simple engagement with the eyes...

She asked, "Do you want me to get in?"

No I did not. I shook my head no, she hopped in.

Carlotta was a large black woman in her late 20’s. She smelled of flower perfume and soap. She promised "I don’t do this often." I settled myself thinking that’s really not a line a hooker would use...

As scams go, this one was pretty simple. She needed $40 to get her car "depounded."

Once in my car, I had no idea what to do with her other than explain that I had very little cash and then to drop her off at "scary Kroger."

I quickly learned this wasn’t going to work because she’s been practicing her schtick for months...it went, she had just moved from Texas to be with her aunt who had cancer and had been visiting her all day at the James (OSU Cancer Hospital).

I didn’t want to interrupt but the actual building she had been visiting was the Convention Center. This aunt, I thought, was also making a speedy recovery and in full voice as I listened to Carlotta on the phone.

Through the cell phone conversation I could hear her aunt was someone who feared for Carlotta’s safety (I have no idea if Carlotta is her real name that’s just what I’m calling her).

Carlotta told her aunt the Lord had blessed her with me, a miracle, and yes, she was being careful...it was a nice woman!

Unfortunately, the Aunt was also down on her luck…

She was $41 short of what it costs to get Carlotta's car "depounded..." if she did not get it soon…tonight…the fee would go up!

I did not want to point out that she didn’t seem to be holding the car’s title and registration which I’m pretty sure would also be required at the depoundment.

I just knew I would not drop anyone off at the scary Kroger-a poorly kept grocery store on the edge of OSU's campus that cannot keep carts around for fear that patrons will steal them and scrap them...

Columbus, Ohio is on a grid system. When I first moved here I learned many of the important roads are on parallels and perpendiculars...i've been here 10 years and the layout...well, at times i still need to consult MapQuest. Carlotta??? the newly arrived Texan must reeeeally know her parallels and perpendiculars…

She became a tour guide directing me into the most appropriate exit lane as we tooled down Rt. 315 and headed toward her aunt's, the depoundment, or certain death. I couldn't tell exactly which...

If I were to die in the next 15 min., I figured at least i would have an entertaining story and Jesus to lead me to my death...

Carlotta's voice shook at little as she shared...she was from a little town near Aberdeen Texas, the policemen here were mean and laughed at her and her car's depoundment. she was very happy that Jesus had sent me to her.

Sadly, she broke character. She perked up, "This is cute in here. Nice. When did you get this car?"

I laughed and agreed yes, it is sporty yet functional.

Quickly, she cut to the chase "my Aunt said she can give me $80 so...you know whatever you got...i get paid on Friday...i'll pay you back..."

i thought the drop off location Carlotta requested was a stroke of brilliance in this scheme. Between her church and a block from her Aunt’s home...there’s a little convenience store with an ATM if you need it.

i wanted to take points away for having the aunt in two places at once. first, in a hospital bed at the James second, at home getting ready to head out the door for work.

but instead...

Assessed do I have $40 I’m willing to part with and never see again? Yes I did.

I gave Carlotta the 40 toward the depoundment ($121 total fine) but will admit I had trouble with the $1 (Carlotta is the $1 necessary? isn't that just a biiiit pretentious?)

Carlotta took the cash. since her aunt was impatiently waiting at home she decided it’s best if she walk the final block "home" (or to the getaway car) to spare me the arrival and drop off scene.

She exited the car and looked back at me through the window...again, in the eye, we had that human connection. she said “pray for me.”

Okay, I’ll consult with the AudioDharma and see what I can do.

Happy Monday,

Amanda

power outage or 10 ways to entertain yourself at home

Oh dratted and curses! I had a Monday Morning Palooza in store for you...great video, funny pics, timely audio but Mother Nature's having none of it.

C-bus was hit with a big windstorm this weekend so I've been without electrical power since Sunday...

Three days may not sound like too hatefully long but throw sore ribs and a strong tendency to eat cereal most meals (i need cold milk!) and i am HIGHLY cranky! Mitty's been saying i need to just chill.

So...i've gotten out my quill pen and ink well and have started an evening activities log... Please keep in mind these are only suggestions. you will probably want to add or create your own the next time you too are without power.

10 Ways to Entertain Yourself When You Have No Power at Home

1. wave the flashlight around and play traffic cop

2. practice your scary Halloween faces

3. put on a shadow puppet show for your cat

4. play Buddha monk!

5. play freezer Danger Rescue Ranger!

6. drink all the beer in the frig (so it doesn't go bitter of course) and then go lay down

7. become a better citizen- visualize and rehearse the simultaneous four-way stop

8. walk around nude a lot. might as well, you're in the dark...

9. play pioneer days-make a pilgrim hat out of newspaper, lead a game of pick up sticks w/ your neighbors and poop in a bucket

10. have a strobe light dance party! put on your most reflective clothing...running shoes, outdoor biking gear, then get crunk in front of the flashlight...

or if you have kids maybe have a career night with the kids. play eye exam (w/ flashlights) and/or coal miner! strap a flashlight to their head. kids can ask questions afterwards.

okay yes, 6 & 8, part of 9 are not true. i have NOT been doing these things...entirely.

Turning That Frown Upsidedown Tuesday. : )

Amanda

*electrical power should be restored by next Monday

pain pain pain...

Good Morning,

I have a little update on the Team Reeve "Elliptithon" training.

Unbeknownst to my feet I was planning to return a gallon of milk to the refrigerator last Wednesday...when, I tripped, over-corrected and fell hard into the kitchen counter top. The result: a trip to the doctor and some bruised ribs. (On the pain scale a sneeze is about a 10 the water hitting me in the shower is about a 2). The doctor told me and Web MD confirmed I can expect this type of pain to last for the next 4-6 weeks?

As you can imagine, given my "stubborn" nature this is not going over well. I've had to adjust my training. I'm spending more time on the stationary bike and I've been researching PAIN.

According to my Buddha teacher Gil you're supposed to sit with the pain and get to know it. He says pain is never the same. it's always changing. it's made up of throbbing heat...warmth...then there's a burning...maybe just a tingle.

okay all I've noticed is that it's not a tickle! Buddhism is insufficient treatment in this area.

According to traditional medicine, I can take my Darvocet and monitor things on a pain scale of smiley faces. This just leaves me with a frown.

I've had to make up my own scale.

A's Pain Scale (1=low 10=high)

1- a smile
2- standing in the shower
3- bending over to pick something up
4- breathing
5- running on the elliptical (surprising!!!)
6- walking with my cane or w/o cane
7- doctor's prodding
8- morning muscle spasm
9- mitty's wake up call (OH the kneading)
10- a sneeze!!!!!!

What does seem to be working right now is light exercise and lots of frowning. Even better is allowing my mind to run free while moody and grumpy. (seems to have a curative factor but i can't find it in the Buddhist text).

To illustrate, here's my latest irritation:

older women marching out of the gym locker room with attitude...

Gym etiquette says

"Look the other way when you see people wearing tight and unflattering workout clothes. It might not be a pretty sight, but unless the person with the Spandex camel toe is your best friend or sister, you probably should keep your complaints to yourself. If nudity is involved, you can let a gym employee know, of course."

i can never find an employee.

no really, these days to me this woman is suggesting a level of comfort frankly I believe in public no one should have. I do NOT mean to be rude but there are parts of self i believe best negotiated on an interpersonal level.

it also frustrates me that upon seeing this woman i feel compelled to throw my body around her like a shield. In the world of bodies people can be cruel.

...and all i REALLY want to do is sit on my stationary bike and exercise in peace.

My point? hmm...

Pain is not really a science it's an art. it's kind of like the messy splatter kind. once you understand the chaos it causes you, you don't have to buy it. just live with it.

many healing thoughts to you wherever you hurt.

Happy Monday,

Amanda
*sideline photographer for Westdale High
(Brady Bunch-reference, Greg cracked a rib!)

In the Gym with Dick

Good Morning,

When you get certified as a personal trainer i guess there’s something called a job that's supposed to follow...

No, really, I'd like to make a correction for something. I keep getting asked when people find out I'm certified as a PT. "What are you doing with that?"

I think I'm giving off a false sense of inactivity. I have not applied for a job or suited up in my trainer blacks yet because I see myself as finding a way to filling my niche.

In this sense, i'm aware my style and approach do not translate into "real" very easily so I thought I'd give a fun example of what i am doing in "my work."

In the Gym with Dick

Dick. Older gentleman without a fitness goal. He has often asserted loudly and prophetically across the gym that I am his fitness hero! He checks in with me daily on my progress so as to make me want to run and hide in the ladies locker room when I spy his approach.

"Let me ask you something…Is it painful Amanda?"

One of these days my patience will betray me as I reply, no but this conversation is.

My PT certification is helping to change that. helps me see myself in a different way. I'm not the object of this man’s pity, I get to turn the tables on him now and switch into helper mode.

Last week I helped him take one step closer to his fitness goal. A goal I have determined he must reach! One day in the cardio room he hopped up on the elliptical machine next to me…to ask about my training. then he too became slowly interested in the elliptical machine. "Now tell me Amanda how do you do this?" After I programmed his machine (while running of course), my reward came as he shared the story of his son…who like me struggled with difficulties. After 20 minutes, we had a win-win…Dick had finally let go of some difficult part of his past and I had the satisfaction of knowing he’d done 20 min!

Now, we have a routine. He arrives. I’m usually running on the elliptical. He hops up beside me and we talk…sports…until he realizes he’s broken his old record. The increments of improvement are slow. we are seconding toward the goal. 20 minutes became 22min. then 22:30…23min. and after a windy aided weekend (we had a threesome with another gym patron on a nearby machine) Dick was up to 25min. Dick never wants to test the limits. He reaches 25min. and he stops! There is no boundary to push just an edge to a cliff he does not want to fall off.

Yesterday was amusing and monumental. I discovered Dick’s weakness…he’s "ageotistic." It’s what happens when an older person gets in front of a computer screen. The brain freezes and coordination of thought and movement becomes difficult. Both ellipticals were occupied (me on one and a frantically magazine flipping Fit girl on the next) so Dick hopped up on the other cardio machine beside me. This machine has the same elliptical motion but a different panel and a lot more buttons.

Midway through my run. I offered to switch. "Hey Dick why don’t we switch? You do this one and I’ll do yours." He said he didn’t want to stop me or bother me with that idea…ooookay.

I watched out of the corner of my eye while Dick hunched over in front of the screen. Slowly he studied it and started punching buttons--like the child spellin out Mama for the first time I felt proud of his independence. I had created this thing a
skillful old person getting it done on a piece of computerized fitness equipment!

"What did I just do?"

"Well, you just made yourself weigh 544 pounds."

After careful, slow, instruction he then began pushing the bolts not the buttons on the machine.

"What’s wrong here what am I doing Amanda?"

"Uh, well, you’re pushing the bolts you need to press those little buttons with the numbers on them."

"How do I do that?"

"Well, you press them…like with your finger."

"Oh is that right?"

"Yes."

By this time the magazine flipper had stopped and was giving me cautioned sideways glances. (I don’t think she ever wants either of us near her children and that’s just fine with me).

"Amanda, then tell me something else. How do I change the resistance on this thing?"

"You hit the Up or Down arrow that say RESISTANCE underneath."

Funny how screwed up the sequence of running and entering can get.

I am a seasoned ellipticator. I can run and enter…I start running to power up and adjust accordingly…I can enter stride length, goal speed, resistance and up the time without a moments awareness.

Again, I offered to switch machines. Dick was familiar with my machine. I’d have no problem doing his.

Oh no, Dick just did not have his glasses on… : )

Dick did not have his glasses on. His inability to program within the 30 second window had nothing to do with the previous three to five attempt failures just his fuzzy vision.

After glasses on things did not improve.

After he finally entered his weight correctly, the machine became exhausted and shut off.

"Now what Amanda?"

"Looks like the machine shut off. it wants you to enter everything in a certain time frame…"

"You don’t say. Maybe we should switch machines." This was actually a score point. A commonly used ploy of the "man savy"…when they finally think it was their idea just go with it.

We switched machines. Dick was now back on familiar soil but Dick’s "ageotism" kicked in…you might want to observe your oldsters for this in front of new fangled technology.

There is a magic button that they will push…over and over. It is the 1st button they have learned and it is safe…be patient, gentle and kind with them this is homebase.

Dick’s safety button was the Quickstart...which threw the screen into all manners of flashing and blipping...

(Okay Dick it’s okay…).

"Hit Enter."

"What’s that?" Dick could not hear me.

"I said hit enter."

"Where’s that?"

"It’s on the screen."

The frantic flipper had calmed and actually returned her magazine and placed it neatly in the magazine rack. That’s score point #2 (occasionally this will happen. Someone will think a little differently about their day).

After some searching, Dick found the right buttons and was on his way…to 27min. and 2 sec. a new official elliptical record!

Yes indeed we celebrated.

With a wave and a SEE YOU LATER AMANDA Dick was out the door.

Yes, I thought, my work here today is complete.

Happy Monday,

Amanda