Top 10 Coming Home Curiosities

Good Morning,

The A-lo production studio has a new address, i.e., I have moved!

Please get out your address book and pencil me down. I might need to call once I forget all these numbers.

XXXXX (sorry removed address...)

In addition to the move, I've been doing a little traveling. Last week you may have noticed there was no Monday Morning News. I was in Ohio visiting my folks. Things did not go as planned. My intention to provide an encouraging update from a remote location quickly left as too much sitting on Dad's back porch sniffing citronella left me adle-brained.

so this morning what i have left are simply my "Top 10 Coming Home Curiosities." I hope you enjoy and to my family- thank you for always being the love and source i can take on this life journey...wherever it may lead.

1. The decorative trash can- There's clean and then there's reeeeally clean. I can tell you there was a note of pride in my grandfather's voice as he shared the housecleaning lady at the new assisted living apartment had taken my grandma aside and marveled "yours is the cleanest place in the building!" My father (and Judy) did not fall far from this tidy tree. It was with this same "Grandpa's" pride and a little panic that I watched as a friend who stopped by at the house to pick me up headed off to use the bathroom. There's a trashcan in there i'm afraid to use. Since I've been traveling home since adulthood, i have never seen anything in it. Any deposits are swept away at the drop of a Dixie cup...

A trash can without a liner is just unsettling...

and out walked my friend momentarily confused "um, i didn't know where to put this?"

she held an empty cardboard toilet paper roll. A clear sign that what one is facing is a decorative trash can.

2. The holy relics- Off on a sight seeing tour of my dad's boyhood home we drove through Maria Stein, Ohio...home of this country's second largest collection of holy relics. That's 1,100 items that include things like body parts from saints (usually bones) or objects that belonged to saints...

Driving past the large red bricked living quarters of the Sisters of the Precious Blood very curious to me how much i did not want to stop...

"Dad are you driving me out in the country to drop me off at the convent?"

The Sisters keep constant prayer vigil over the relics.

3. The typewriter- At the Dorothy Love Retirement Community under constant care and supervision of my grandfather, I found another holy relic...a new typewriter!!! a. I didn't know you could still buy these and b. how can a man with double-vision in one eye use this to line up his signature?

4. St. Henry did they ever think of calling the town St. Hank? St. Henry (Dad's home town) a small town that lives and breathes high school football. A quick pit stop at the gas station with all of the waves and friendly slap on the back greetings suggests "Henry" might be too formal.

more universal curiosities?...

5. Thought arisings- When stuck without wheels there's a point where this thought starts creeping into your head "I wonder how I would reaally look driving Dad’s car." It is no secret I'm not the most comfortable person behind the wheel of a car. There's no real physical reason for this...I can turn the wheel, step on the pedals...it's just like in my head i can't fully reach out and encompass the vehicle...I can't command it's dimensions in space. my athlete's sensibilities want to have precision and control over the entire car body.

so...driving a large luxury sports sedan is like getting behind the wheel of a boat...parking it like docking a biiiiig boat with no bumpers...

but about after the third day with no wheels you begin to wonder...hmm, i wonder how i'd reeaaally do behind the wheel. running errands takes on simply needing a back roads itinerary.

6. The curio cabinet. I had heard so much about a new curio cabinet. I was curious...The "curio cabinet" is a beautiful piece of wood furniture with doors and windows, filled with curious items like delicate china and Hummels...

(this is a Hummel)


7. Grandma’s Velcro shoes...very curious. I have no answers for these.

8. I learned my other Grandma does not like fish. Just curious, how many Friday Night Fish Fries did this woman suffer through during the Lenten Season?

9. The term “Okies”

It is a myth to think we have no impact or place in the world whatsoever…Overland Park, Kansas is already circled in G-ma’s atlas and Kansas curiously received a nod in the Steinbeck classic Grapes of Wrath. Dad is reading this book and noted Kansas as the starting off point for those “Okies” (Oklahomans?) the Joads as they make their journey out West.

And last...

10. How hard it is to say "I'm writing a book about my muscles!" (and life experiences) when sipping tea with your mother and a good friend at The Sanctuary for the Arts. You can check this site out if you're curious

http://www.sanctuary-for-the-arts.com/

you will probably feel inspired too but not too muscly. : )

alright, thanks for letting me workout my creative muscle this morning.

Happy Monday,

Amanda

Back to School Tips

Good Monday,

I realized there are some people in my world right now who are experiencing "Back to School stress!!!" so I thought i'd try to help out this week with a few tips...

Back to School Tips

1. Do not get in the car with anyone whose music is louder than their engine.

2. Although I know it will be hard, try not to use Marcia Brady speak “



or groovy Greg's wardrobe



3. Do not text message anyone any of your body parts ever. Not even your doctor.

4. If your mom starts acting weird, go ahead and remind her of all the really unpleasant things you do…leave your wadded up gym socks next to (not in) the hamper, drink from the carton exclusively, have several of your loudest friends over, take forever and a day in the bathroom… this should speed up the letting go process.

5. If you want to change your name, now is the time to do it! Melanie wants to be Mel, Charlie wants to be Charles. Make good use of the roster call using your full voice. "It's not Stefani anymore it’s Lady Gaga!"

6. Hug all your friends. Tell them you love them very much and then go make one friend…in the band, on the chess team, the kid who wears a helmet (not a football helmet but one for different safety reasons). Life will be much richer when you learn to think outside your “posse.”

7. Eat breakfast every morning.

8. Do not wear sandals on gym day (I learned this from an eight-year-old)

9. Cover the basics. To be one with everything you do NOT need one of everything. Of course you will get your Trapper Keeper...some good pens, blue jeans, but try to leave some room in the shopping cart. inner peace will not come from having things...

10. Remember someday the guy you are going to school with and never talk to will be your Facebook friend writing

"I have water in my gas. What’s the best way to get it out?"

Best if you can to help him now.

11. Know where bathrooms are located. This is a tip for kindergartners but applies to us all (leave your zippers, snap leotards, and complicated jumpsuits in the drawer).

and last...

12. Remember everyone you meet is in the same boat. I will pray it is not the Titanic.

Happy Monday,

Amanda

creative solutions to a bagging problem?

Good Morning,

It always surprises me when my competitive instincts kick in...

at the grocery store the other day it happened again. as the cashier began scanning the purchases i began to try my hand at bagging...bread and perishables on top...keep eggs separate from the cans...

i experienced a simple fluidity of movement, a narrowing focus of direction and purpose to my effort that starkly contrasts my day to day...

with a heart inclined toward simplicity of mind i thought "hey i can do this!" i'd already filled out the part-time job application in my brain and acquiesced to the uniform--black pants and a white collar golf shirt.

and then the bubble burst as I realized my other duty. "Aren’t they (the baggers) responsible for bringing in all the carts?"

oops. yes this little detail of the job description i miiiight have overlooked.

Sooo...In the spirit of equal employment opportunity (EEO) this morning i've tried to answer the question

How could I get the carts in or perhaps perform an equal service?

With my personal trainer certification, I could organize and assist the work force with cart pushing training. I could organize some drills.

With my ear for rhythm, pace and sense of timing...i could sit in the cart train as it is pushed and serve as an encouraging coxswain.

With a Segway, i could go out into the parking lot and put little red flags on the carts that have blown away or could wrestle in a scraggler.

i'm willing to challenge people to use fewer carts…instead of asking "paper or plastic?" i will ask "cart or no cart?" suggesting they could go cartless out to the car

to reduce cart usage and thus eliminate this job duty description altogether, i will hold special events such as...a meet and greet with the KU Jayhawks o-line. "Push for the cure!" kids can get autographs and for every cart they push in Hy-Vee will donate a nickel to charity.

if positioned just so i can harness wind-power to do my job for me. the wind can just blow the train of carts in.

i could push the carts in using a Powerchair wheelchair with plow attachment

and last two other services i could provide.

i would be willing to head up a "paddy wagon" roundup crew to go into urban areas and sweep the streets for abused and abandon carts. i will bring them home and rehab them.

i would also be willing to organize a precision cart drill team to travel and perform in parades. in this way, help build awareness of aisle safety maneuvers and in-store etiquette.

okay, just a quick one today. sorry so scattered. stay cool!

happy monday,

amanda

10 Hot Summer Observations

Good Morning,

I don't know about where you live but here it is hot Hot HOT!!! and not in a take it to the streets sexy salsa dancing kinda way.

The following are just a few observations kind of my verbal slam dance in response to the weatherman's challenge this morning "it's going to be muggy and buggy out there!!!..."

10 Hot summer observations

it’s so humid some of the road sign letters have started to drop and now the church is advertising for Vacation Bible c ool

it's so hot when i'm driving down the road and open a window it smells like a firework has gone off…i keep finding myself hunkering down as if the car is getting ready to explode

it's so stinky hot the sign no shoes, no SHIRT, no service no longer applies to just men…i sat in the car yesterday and realized it was a young woman slipping on her shirt outside the CVS pharmacy…before I go too far here, she was wearing a bikini top!

it's so hot...I watched a rain cloud form and leave

it's so hot...I read a summer safety article titled “What Drowning Really Looks Like”...hair’s wet, straight down in front of eyes…and thought well shoot that could be anyone

it's so hot and humid...I almost sat down in the hairstylist’s chair and said I want a 4 in the middle and a 2 on the sides (buzz cut)

it's so hot...i found myself lingering just outside the doors at Wal-Mart to experience a sudden drop in temperature…over and over…

it's so friggin hot...the take and bake bread was nearly done by the time i got it home.

it's so nasty hot...I could've thawed the evening meal on my head…frozen peas work as an ice pack

and last? it's so hot...

Mitty the freedom dashing kitty sprinted to the open door met the blast of heat...turned and said no way!

alright. hope you're staying cool.

Happy Monday,

Amanda