Buddha parenting

Good Morning,

Well, you may have noticed that there was no Monday Morning e-mail last week. I was in Vermont. Vermont this time of year is everything you can imagine...beautiful sky, clear blue mountain lakes, chill to the bone cold, warm apple cider...

Like much of the country it is also flu season. Soon after I arrived I discovered what I would be sitting down at the Thanksgiving table to say I am thankful for...

I am thankful for my health and Pedialyte.

For three days in a beautiful home in Vermont, I watched as my friend parented a sick toddler. I have never changed a diaper and I will offer that the one time I held a newborn infant I described that it felt like holding a sack of potatoes...

Anyway... : (

Although this little one could count among his team of care a NICU nurse (neonatal ICU), a pediatrics floor nurse (the next door neighbor), and a mother working on a specialization in Hospice care nursing...(i believe we had him covered...) STILL the experience of being home alone when a toddler has their first all night barfing experience is SCARY!!!

The evening had been going so well. Mama #1 had left for work. She brings home the muffins working the night shift at a hospital in Burlington, a one hour commute away. The baby had "eaten" half a cheese stick, showered the dogs with crackers, and made a most accurate two-handed toss of a sippy cup into the cats' water bowl. He delighted in bath time...dumping buckets of water on his head, splashing the ducky in the water so hard my friend and I had to hold up towels to catch the aftersplash and muffle the cheers fit for Shamu (oooo ahhh yayyy!!! clap clap clap).

Freshly bathed lathered, lotioned, and powdered the child sporting head to toe cuteness in PJ's continued to delight and entertain with kid games. A newly constructed nylon play thingee (Crawl and Play hut?) had tunnels to explore and a monster to find...my friend crouched hidden behind a hanging door. Much to my surprise I found hidden among the loads of toys the timeless yet always engaging $1.49 floaty ball. You know the one, swirled like an Easter egg kept in mass at the bin at the end of the grocery store aisle, and mostly good for causing a fit? We had no kicking, screaming, or crying just happy games of toddler running and tossing and tossing and catching the running toddler.

Anyway, my point? Things were going well. Perhaps too well. The routine set in motion worked beautifully. Soon we had the little guy in bed and seemingly an evening to ourselves to catch up.

And then...over the baby monitor I heard a lullaby. The unmistakable tingling of some wayward musicians mechanical tinkering. My friend has the 6th sense...smell, taste, sound, touch, sight and toddler hearing. Undetectable to the non-mother ear she heard...barfing!!??

As my first exposure to such an uh, phenomena I still have oh so many questions and a few observations.

Why does barfing always start at 12am?

How can they eat what amounts to ½ a cheese stick all day then produce enough barf to soak through 2 tee shirts?

Why can a child stick Cheerios in his nose crackers down his pants but stick an ergonomically designed thermometer under an armpit and you have screaming?

What is a parent to do when a child wants to be picked up and put down at the same time?

Why is it a child is either hungry, wet, in pain, lonely, or tired. The parent is guaranteed to be at least 3 or 4 of these at all times?

So my trip to Vermont? I mostly tried to stay out from underfoot and sat looking concerned at my friend...

I suppose what I have to offer this morning is what I hope is a note of encouragement to anyone who is a parent. Did you know that the Buddha had a son, Rahula?

When the Buddha came back after the six or seven years of seeking his Enlightenment his wife was not pleased. She sent her son to ask the Buddha for his inheritance!!! The Buddha, the son of a King, upon hearing this request turned to his attendant and said,

"He desires his father's inheritance, but it is wrought with troubles. I shall give him the benefit of my spiritual Enlightenment and make him an owner of a transcendental inheritance."

Annnd immediately he had Rahula, his 7 yr. old son ordained as a novice monk.

Woah mama!

I can only kinda, sorta imagine what the reaction of his wife was...no palaces and riches for you, just a little robe and a hut for Rahula...without full parental consent!

So, the Buddha himself was NOT a perfect parent. In fact parenting exposed him as a human being who acted in less than fully awake or wise ways.

If nothing else perhaps you can congratulate yourself today say I have parenting down at least as well as the Buddha.

Happy Monday,

Amanda

10 Things to do with a Gigantic Bowl of Fruit

Good Morning,

Being new to an area requires effort if one would like to make friends and build community.

So...last Friday we loaded up the car with a gigantic bowl of fruit and headed off to our first pot luck! I will spare you all the details but I will have you know that the street naming system in Lawrence if faulty. Oklahoma St. is not situated between Ohio St. and Oregon St. it is somewhere out in BFE!!! Anyway, because this was truly an open to the community event there was no one expecting our arrival. We also realized at some point at a small gathering food function you really can be "tardy for the party" (holla Kim Zolciak Housewife in Orange Co.!)...

http://www.imeem.com/people/vzHrLba/music/8KZ9w5Ye/kim-zolciak-tardy-for-the-party-mix/

All this to say...we decided we were hungry enough to head home, call off the search and drown our sorrows in a bowl of fruit. Much of the fruit has been given away however we are still asking what to do with all this fruit?!!!

10 Things to Do with a Gigantic Bowl of Fruit.

1. stick it on your head a la Carmen Miranda and perfect the postures of your samba dancing

2. make a "real time" nativity scene. watch the carpenter Joseph start as a fine young grape...then shrivel to a raisin. no crib for a bed? see what happens when baby Jesus lays on a pineapple tidbit...how growth and development are necessary, without it Jesus would have been trapped and confined to an empty husk...

3. do a reverse Trick or Treat...knock on your neighbors' door and hand them a piece of fruit. instead o saying "Tick or Treat!" you get to end with an emphatic you're welcome!

4. take the entire bowl with you to your next doctor's visit and say "here. here is all fruit i'm not eating..."

5. get out your easel and beret and perfect your still lifes

6. drop healthy sized grapes on the floor for your cat so she can have kitty soccer practice. feed her oranges at halftime.

7. if the college football team of your undying devotion is having a stinker of a year, let the fruit bowl set...we're goin to the Rotten Bowl this year! (i.e. not the Orange Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Sugar Bowl...)

8. if someone in your household likes to cook and is good natured, as they enter the kitchen grab a new fresh fruit variety from the bowl and say "today's big ingredient is...the strawberry GO!"

9. add an orangeman to your giant marshmallow family with Twizzler swords

10. eat the fruit it is yummy

okay, Happy Monday,

Amanda

helper monkey commentary

Good Morning,

This story first came to my attention last week when listening to one of my favorite podcasts the BBC Ouch Talk Show.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/podcast/

With typical dry British humor, the hosts (who have disabilities themselves) discussed the latest most outstanding disability news stories.

The Story: From KY3 News Springfield

http://www.ky3.com/home/video/65706592.html

A Missouri woman has been denied the use of her helper monkey. Debby Rose who suffers from anxiety and agoraphobia says she needs her helper monkey to assist her with daily living outside the home. The Greene County Health Department notified all public businesses that they may be in violation of health code should they serve Debby and her monkey at their establishment. Debby filed a lawsuit. The judge in this case has ruled that Richard is not a service animal…He cited Debby’s record has revealed a long history of adequate functioning and independent behaviors. She’s held jobs, raised 6 kids…had 3 marriages…

Oh yes, and Richard is required to be with her when she drives…

Although the verdict in this case is in, on a Monday morning I couldn’t help but provide my own commentary...

Let’s start with the restriction placed on her license. Richard must be with her when she drives. I have sympathies for the BMV worker who has to process this…(hapless woman typing) “restriction type A must wear corrective lenses…and operate under supervision of a monkey...hmmm"

Richard is a macaca monkey…in order for him to qualify as a service animal recognized under the law of the ADA there are two criteria:

He must have been a.) trained to perform specific tasks required for a major life activity and b.) trained to behave properly in places of public accommodation.

Here I would like to say pointing out the need to have a monkey supervise your driving is probably not your best bet…further revealing that he pulls hair and “pats” you in the face to bring you back does nothing to quell the very real fear of aggression…

My gut level feel is that I really want Debby Rose to have her monkey i.e., Richard. I’m just not sure of the distractions this may cause on the road. "Richard calms Debby Rose and alerts her to danger by pulling her hair when she slips into a panicked trance-like state..."

I can only imagine the harried commuter looking over at rush hour to see a gorked out woman with a monkey urgently pulling on her hair. It seems that this would be a bigger problem than cell phones…

Richard seems polite and well-groomed. Health department officials do not deny this but still they have moved forward to warn local businesses of possible sanctions should Debby Rose and her service monkey arrive at their door. Of particular concern is protecting the public from potential diseases monkeys are known to carry...like the often fatal Herpes B. I get this, I really do. I was aggravated yesterday at the gym when my request for a little hand sanitizer was granted with a stingy squirt the size of a a kiwi seed…I get the need to show caution toward potential outbreaks and believe me NO ONE wants herpes! BUT in the same light, I feel as if these authorities are trying to manipulate with fear...

Debby insists that Richard gets checked out regularly for infectious disease. When looking around Wal-Mart or holding my breath during a bathroom break at the local Quick Trip I’m not sure I can say this of most people. I’m willing to take my chances with Richard when we make our acquaintances that he will not revert to "Old World ways!" and attack with bites and scratches (i.e., primary route of transmission for “the Herp B” into humans)…I believe the lack of smiling and friendliness among human strangers is a far worse problem.

My point? Count me down on the side of folks not afraid to run into Debby & Richard out in public.

"The judge refuses to recognize Richard as a service animal. Has even gone so far to say Debby doesn’t need a service animal at all and she does not have a disability!!!"

As someone with a disability I say...Wow! now that’s a mouthful. In one respect, I admire that judge for having “the guts” to say all that...perhaps sharing the most un-PC thinking west of the Mississippi…

No in all seriousness, this is a serious issue. Is this someone seeking special pet privileges (which makes everyone with a disability look bad) or someone with a disability being denied reasonable accommodation?

This story has implications…What is left is to better define mental disabilities. How do we define and measure them? What specific tasks seem reasonable to perform? What constitutes discrimination?

Companion animals can they be trained or certified as service animals?
Companion animals are they different from pets and service animals?

Could I trade mitty in for a helper monkey? (oops, how'd that get in there?...)

Maybe to shed a final light on things let me share...

I fell this weekend and caught myself with my lip on an iron plant stand. Mitty quite clearly revealed that she is not a service animal. She is an amazingly gifted companion. As a friend pointed out to me, she even dances with me, BUT she did NOT perform a specific task…dialing 911 comes to mind. Instead, she did what any normal cat would do. She ran for cover and hid under the couch…and later licked the ice through the baggie applied to my face. In the broadest sense like Richard, Mitty might apply for "companion animal" status hmm, but I don’t think I could get her wear the little vest…No really,

Mitty is a cat. She does work…but it’s kitty work. At 4am she does pressure point release massage by standing on sore muscles…she also walks on bladders, licks foreheads, purrs in ears with kitty breath, chases “mice” (i.e. feet moving under the covers), and scratches on the couch with her soft claws to alert mental functioning. At about 11am she starts her second shift of kitty work which involves sleeping…until 4pm. At 4:30pm or 5 or whenever we return home…she bolts out the open door!!! And sprints back in when she hears the silly humans shaking a bag of treats.

According to the ADA, Richard is probably not a service animal, like Mitty he probably does not meet the stated criteria but does meet the definition of "companion animal"-- a dog, cat, or other pet that provides health benefits to a person.

According to Debby, Richard has been “trained under ADA guidelines,” but what these are exactly remain unclear. At present, there is no official “monkey college” or accredited curriculum he can pass to become a “certified helper monkey!”

I think this is necessary. Richard contains within his genetic make up natural aggressive tendencies. I would NOT want him to baby-sit my child or to be sitting next to Debby’s grandkids at a Chuck-E-Cheese party…before Richard graduated Summa Cum Monkey from Banana U...

Final analysis... more needs to be done. We cannot table this one or just consider it "monkey business." There needs to be some agreed upon standards of training, methods of regular testing for infectious disease, a universal helper monkey vest!, and a bigger dose of compassion and loving kindness.

okay, that's all for now. Happy Monday,

Amanda

What to do with Rainbow Twizzlers...

Good Morning,

This morning I have an important issue to discuss with you. It is the common plight of the apartment dweller, what to do with all of the left over Halloween candy? This year, not a single little munchkin beat a path to our door. I am left to stare into my bowl of Rainbow Twizzlers and dream of...

10 Things to do with Rainbow Twizzlers.

1. drop into cup holders of the cardio machines at the gym

2. attach them to belt and tell folks "I am Rainbow Brite. This is my color belt I use to bring color to all the land!"

3. save and pass out these twisted ropes on March 16 to celebrate Nelson Mandela's release from prison and receiving of the International Gandhi Peace Prize. If so moved, you might also add these words to help celebrate the Rainbow Nation, the most multiethnic government ever formed...

"Death to Racism! Glory to the sisterhood and brotherhood (word up!) of peoples throughout the world!" (Mandela, 1990)

4. put a pack in the glove compartment of the car in case of need to resuscitate a small bird. the stunned bird will clamp down thinking it's a worm. the tube with the hole can be used to pump in air...

5. use them to recruit club members at an activities fair. for this idea i've consulted the "A Grin of Salt" blog. (a straight man and ally of the gay community)

There's an interesting phenomenon that occurs around the Spectrum table at an Activities Fair. Prospective members look at our table curiously, and then when they realize what the club is, turn away. Avert their eyes. Blush and look to see if anyone noticed. After 10 minutes, I got fed up with this, so I decided to meet these prospective members where they were at, meaning I was going to embarrass them even more. I acknowledged that they didn't want to come over by throwing Rainbow Twizzlers and Skittles at them and then eventually, to them. "You don't have to join our club," I said, " but you can still have our candy." Soon the kids joined me and began throwing candy to their peers saying, "Taste the rainbow! Taste the rainbow!"

http://agrinofsalt.blogspot.com/2008/10/my-friend-kevin-48-year-old-gay-man.html

6. make a necklace. string dental floss through and arrange in favorite color combinations... not only will you be fashionable but you will also have a snack handy in emergency situations.

7. use them in other creative and crafty ways...such as for flowers in cupcake decorations

http://www.flickr.com/photos/sugar-bliss/448634872/in/set-72157594587404223/ (for complete details)

8. take to your morning research meeting as a low fat alternative to the usual quick breads and donuts

9. give rainbow swords to your marshmallow people

10. the pragmatic person might wonder...why not just EAT them. more left over candy means more for you! for this i will just simply leave you with this, no I have not tried them yet but I have just read these reviews on a candy blog.

"I normally love lemon flavors, this one was edible yet reminiscent of cleaning fluids."

"...the blue raspberry...its flavor is also mild, with a bit of a plasticky overtone."

"My favorite flavor is the grape, which tastes about as artificial-grape as you can get, like every cheap grape popsicle you’ve ever eaten, but in a good way."

"next to the most disgusting thing that ever has gone into my mouth!"

"For the love of all that’s Holy and Good on this planet, if you love small children, fuzzy pets, and life in general DO NOT BUY THIS CANDY!"

okay, so maybe there was a guiding hand in this... small children were not made to suffer this holiday at my door. i will consider this a small victory for now and pass it on...

Happy Monday,

Amanda