a trip to the Kansas DMV

Good Morning,

I hope I can safely say no matter how unfortunate your day is looking it does not hold in store a trip to the DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles).

The DMV of Lawrence (KS) is located in a remote industrial looking strip mall area...

As soon as I set foot to the ground outside its doors, I saw no less than 12 people running for the door…okay, maybe not 12 but definitely enough to jam a turnstile...

I could not beat them each one taunting my slow, steady stumbly walk waving their fists full of forms as they passed…I saw these people hopping over the snow piles and tried to remember everything is as it should be.


KANSAS DEPARTMENT OF REVENUE

(from the website...)

There isn't a good time to visit one of the DMV offices on Tuesday or Friday, but if you must, earlier is better…7am

It was a Tuesday and I was 4 hours too late.

The government is not known for its decorating and the Kansas office is no different. I made my way into the queue and stood staring at the gray expanse of wall in front of me painted in that eerie color that can only be described as finger smudge.

The decor registered the barest of essentials…a KU Pride Jayhawk hanging from cubicle divider particle board, a “Buckle Up!” poster and a bathroom key anchored to a piece of wood about the size of a fire log…

There was an older woman at the counter with a doctor’s note explaining she got dizzy and passed out occasionally.

The woman taking an inexplicably long time next to her…had a son who was not yet a citizen but needed to pass his driver’s test…I don’t know all the rules but there are many…

The Lawrence DMV is a branch office. There are three windows, and as is required attended by two workers at any one time--the third there to perpetually frustrate otherwise yogi citizens with the “next window please” sign prominently displayed. I held my breath and watched the old lady take her eye exam…

I had made my way to the front of the line. With pride I stood as the man with the plastic bag full of court documents next to me had been too weak to withstand the demands of an aching back, a charley horse, or tight schedule. He had given up and called it a day.

I watched the old woman pose for her picture. There will be two remarkable features in her driver’s license. First, she will have proof she is from the Sunflower state. She had a large yellow sunflower badge or sticker stuck to her chest. She will also have a Cheshire cat grin. Her eyes squinted, and corner’s of her smile turned up then down.

I should have known then as he snapped the photo…“Oh this is good! Good!" He said monitoring the digital photo on his screen and quickly shooing her on through…

“Ma’am here’s you temporary card. The official one will be mailed out to you and you should receive it in 5-10 business days. It’ll look like junk mail. Don’t throw it away!”

Next, my turn.

Unlike the frowns and empty voices I’ve encountered at the Ohio BMV, this man was with it and friendly.

We made light small talk as he took my proof of identification and clicked the routine clatter into the keyboard.

“Is this your maiden name or married name?”

This was the first time in many days I have been speechless. Uh, well, odd how this felt like my moment to openly declare myself…

Well,…I’m not very maidenly. I’m not married. What am I? “uh. that’s my name. it’s always been that.”

We smiled and stared at each other awkwardly agreeing to move on…

The eye exam!

Eye exam. People in Kansas must have extremely large heads…I had to lift my head side to side to see the illuminated screen. That is, when I pushed my forehead in I could see one side or the other…when I pushed harder I saw two screens superimposed…

“Okay can I have you read the third line down for me?” The nice man said.

“Well, uh…well?” I’m the type of person with anxiety. I lose words. I do not think ACTION! under such pressures.

“uh…” these were some very fuzzy looking rows!…

XKZRT (somethin’ something…) utyr..e?

“Okay, now slow down and focus.” I had missed one. There would be a strike two. “Could you read me those last letters on the right again?”

I moved my head to the right, pressed my head in harder. Felt the hotness build at my collar and at my temple a slowly forming bead of sweat…

“UTYRG yes, it’s a…G I see it! I see it!”

Okay. Nice job.

I passed!

I don’t mean to toot my own horn, but I also passed the literacy test to self-screen admitted drug users or felons.

There was a set of 8 questions to read silently, comprehend and answer aloud…

DO YOU OPERATE YOUR VEHICLE WHILE INTOXICATED?

Now who would answer yes? Anyway, for your future reference I would suggest answering this one no…

Finally, it was picture time…

At the Lawrence DMV they have the standard set up. The floor mat, the blue pull-down screen, the mounted camera with the trick flash and a gorilla poster to look at which did make me laugh.

Okay he said, “Hold that smile. Hold it. Hold it. Don’t blink…”

snap, snap! @#%$

"It looks great!" He smiled as he handed me what is now my temporary Kansas Driver’s License.

okay great. I’m outta here! Oh no wait!!!

It pains my heart that some things cannot be undone. Like bad poetry that gets stuck in your head to a good song or the knowledge of your parents in bed…some things just need to go…(see photo above) I will be walking around with this little number in my pocket on my official Kansas Driver’s License.

On the bright side, I’ve decided if I get pulled over for smoking weed, the officer might not notice. It's possibly the same expression : ).

okay, Happy Monday,

Amanda
"Sleepy Eyez" rappa girl coolin on the DL fo schizzle : )

breaking curling down...

Good Morning,

I've been told I have "incredible discipline..." as a writer, in my workouts, in my studies. Some have wondered how do I do it? Well, I'll tell you. I set the bar very low...I like to start the morning off with Mike and Mike in the Morning (on ESPN Radio). There's something in the dead air space of Buster Douglas's addle-brained interview or a baseball manager's "we need to make some plays" that's like jumping on an old familiar bike and coasting into the routine of the day...

If loneliness or a despondency kicks in, I always know I can challenge the demons with Sports Talk! These questions leave an internal chatter like the Little Leaguer's "batter-ay-batter-ay-batter-ay..."

that can always move me forward...to swing even if I know I'm going to miss...

Anyway, in true Mike and Mike fashion I have broken down an up and coming HOT topic for you...tomorrow starts the first round of OLYMPIC CURLING!

First question is curling a sport?...yes

Curling made its modern Olympic debut at the 1998 Winter Games and I'm not sure anyone's checked its credentials. It's back this year at the Vancouver Games boasting a country of curling crazies!

After a quick credential check, I say yes. curling is a sport.

It has PSR!

P- It requires skilled physicality.
S-It has a following or spectatorship- it is watchable…at least by people in Canada...and Minnesota
R-It has an agreed upon set of rules sanctioned by a governing body

Since it is in fact a sport according to the PSR criteria I'm determined to watch.

I am neither Canadian or a Minnesotan. Watching 8 innings of a curling match is somewhere between watching golf, bowling, or paint dry...

...here's what we can watch for

1. The Canadians

Benjamin Hebert

"I take pride in my sweeping. I think I'm a really good sweeper and I think my peers will vouch for me."

According to the Olympic website, in the final round robin game at the 2009 Canadian Olympic Curling Trials he was controversially accused of an illegal brushing move - lifting his broom vertically with the intention of dumping debris in front of a heavy draw...(He denied the allegation).

Marc Kennedy


While he is on a winning streak he refuses to change his socks...(the Olympic website)

John Morris


Morris was known as the "bad boy" of curling, regularly breaking brooms during games and ripping his shirt off after losing. (thestar.com, 09 Mar 2009)

2. Moving women forward or setting the "sport" of curling back?

Women have already been handed a setback in the IOC's refusal to allow women ski jumpers to compete in this Olympics...

Kristie Moore an alternate player on the Canadian Women's team is either making the case for the modern SUPERWOMAN or single handedly making the argument for why curling is not a sport...

She is due to give birth on May 27, 2010. Canadian women's national team coach Elaine Dagg-Jackson was initially concerned about the pregnancy. "Her concern, she said, wasn't my ability but the fact that I'm pregnant. I'll be five months pregnant during the Olympics. I convinced her I'd put in the work." (winnipegsun.com, 23 Dec 2009)


off hand i can think of no other sport where an elite athlete can compete while 5 months pregnant...Is curling a sport?

3. Paralympic Curlers gaining a foothold


More than most, I am very excited for the competitors that will be taking the rink at the Vancouver Olympic Centre the two weeks after the Olympics. Elite athletes with disabilities will be competing in the 2010 Paralympic Games!

In Wheelcair Curling the same rules apply as able-bodied curling with some modifications such as no sweeping and the stone may be delivered from a stationary wheelchair either by hand release or using an extender cue.



The main differences as I see them are:

must release stone while stationary

no sweeping???

okay, then in all fairness to physicality and spectatorship (PSR) I would like to nominate Pink for the 2014 Games...

(Pink at the Grammys) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3stsDXki__U

Maybe Pink can do this over the curling rink to drum up spectatorship and solidify wheelchair curlings' place among sport?

anyway...

As the athlete's gain prominence so have their antics and attitudes. One competitor in this years' international wheelchair curling competition has unleashed his wheelchair spinning 360 before releasing the puck...

In the spirit of showmanship his fellow competitor promptly innovated a "pop-a-wheelie" approach and...landed flat on his back. Ahh, yes. Citius, Altius, Fortius! (Swifter, Higher, Stronger!) I feel the circle of life moving along...

Happy Monday (and Happy Presidents' Day)

Amanda

PBS special...Mr. Roger's Neighborhood

Good Morning,

I wanted to start with a powerful and impacting message this morning about health care. Instead, I keep getting stuck on the word "impacting" and the unfortunate images it leaves behind...literally...If you've ever spent any time on a hospital rehab floor...(sorry, you can just think ewww!)

There are big and adult things on my brain right now so i share this...

I woke up Saturday morning at 5:30am.

I had fallen asleep watching "The Corporation" a documentary detailing how decent people still do irreparable harm by taking part in a system that gives the rights of an individual to an organization. "The Corporation" in essence has become an individual that has no morality or accountability...

I woke up Saturday morning still in a dreamy state but gone to the land of make believe.

I woke up Saturday morning watching Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood and this is what I realized…

Mr. Roger’s invites you in, for a late afternoon playdate…but then where does he go?

At the end of the show, he puts his loafers back on and his blazer jacket and then he leaves!!!...promising to be back again tomorrow. What business is left in his day? I guess until this moment I had always assumed he was home for the evening.

When someone comes home and puts on sneakers and a cardigan the day is usually over. Does he have a date? Is he off to Bill Knapp’s…for "the usual" at his favorite booth?

I like to think he's off to pick up Lady Elaine from the museum (in the Land of Make Believe this is where she lives...)

Wouldn’t it be more appropriate for him to put on some slippers and a smoking jacket and toodle-doo on up to bed?

Anyway, this is all i have to share today:



I promise I will be back next week. Until then...have a Happy (and snappy. snap snap) Monday,

Amanda
PBS programing corrdinator

what to watch for at the Olympics

Good Morning,

There was a moment this weekend that made my heart feel as fat as a balloon...

Amidst the stack of unwanted offerings...pizza coupons, bills, electronic supply catalogs...came a single letter. Some may remember, I have written at length about my friend "Melissa in the nursing home..." I am happy to report that she is living with a close relative in Georgia now. Her words dictated to a volunteer scribe reassured me she is much happier in her new place and even snuggled at night with "Miss Kitty," a 13 year old cat she describes as "old and quite large."

I'm not sure why I feel compelled to share this with a larger audience, I think my point this morning is that I am humbled by the voice that can say "a volunteer is reading me 'Chicken Soup for the Christian Woman's Soul' I'm enjoying it..." and mean it. I wish it was her voice and humor that I could share...

Anyway, in the love and spirit of my dear friend this morning I'd just like to share some simple thoughts i know would make her laugh.



What I will be watching for at the Olympic Winter Games...

1. nude colored skates- this very tricky ruse to get us to believe there are simply blades that have grown out of the ballerina on ice's feet!

2. cow bell shaking- During all Alpine skiing events, my favorite activity is the urging on of fellow countryman with the clankering of the cow bell!

note* I will be holding my breath as the "Rules for Spectators" clearly prohibit: Devices capable of causing a disturbance such as air horns, trumpets, lasers, thundersticks and noisemaking that might disrupt the session or be disturbing to other spectators. I did not read cow bell!


3. The bobsled push pole. After the mad sprint at break-neck speeds, the real excitement is can they get those little push poles down to shave off those thousandths of a second...and irritated looks from the pilot in the locker room.

4. The mascots. When the Olympic flame finally ignites in Vancouver we will be greeted with Miga- a mythical sea bear (part orca whale and part Kermode bear) and Quatchi- a sasquatch, who wears boots and ear muffs.

...inclusion maaay have been taken too far...

5. Notably missing from this year's schedule of events- scouching (skiing without leaving your couch). I imagine after two weeks transfixed on my TV with frustrated athletic hopes...it could lead to this...

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/video?id=7236853

6. Kwame Nkrumah-Acheampong. "The Snow Leopard!" He is the first person from Ghana to compete in the Winter Olympics. I will be watching for him in the Alpine skiing events...and shaking my cow bell!

7. ugg boots

8. Pink (the pop rock entertainer). If she can sing and swing like she did above the stage at the Grammy's...last night...she can definitely land a 10!!!! in the aerial ski competition.

9. Random and unruly conduct from the crowd (see photo) of spectators! This will mount my disabled wall climbing protest to women's ski jumping not making it into the Vancouver Games.

10. The entire Speed Skating Team from the Netherlands. Gods and Goddesses-like looking people in head to toe Spandex! : ) wow! O Canada!

Alright, Happy Monday all,

Amanda