Monday, March 31, 2008

on the job or i have occupational daydreams!


Good Morning,

I want you to think back to when you were a child and then to write down any careers or jobs that you've ever thought about doing…don’t worry about skills or abilities just write down anything that's ever sounded interesting to you.

I give these instructions when administering tests to people at my job.

(I’m sometimes bored. My Buddha teacher Gil says this is okay…I’m supposed to breathe and investigate the boredom…

I don’t think he’s ever administered tests or been this bored).

I work for a small company that helps people with disabilities find employment.

Last week here’s what one young woman wrote down in her booklet to the above prompt.

"Occupational Daydreams"

There is pencil coloring in the white spaces of the
big block letters…

Wal-Mart
Meijer
K-Mart
Policeman
Fire apartment (an arsonist?...Is she setting fires to the apartment?)

I do intakes and assessments with new clients. Mom had come to the intake interview with this young woman that day and provided the following information

Current employment? Sitting around lazy at home

(okay, thank you. we ‘ll have to work that into the resume)

as you can see we disabled people tend to have more leisure in our day so…it’s also important to ask about

Leisure activity:

Spare time: read, coloring
Television: cartoons, racing-NASCAR
Reading: Romance novels

Yes, this is how I spend my time too. : )

We disabled people are not a homogeneous group we are:

(i.e., other unaltered responses to "Occupational Daydreams")

pilote (flying planes)
hemptologist ...and there’s probably even a
herpetoligist or two

…hemp and herpes the Adam & Eve of all good minority groups

I have a favorite word on the reading test. I hand them a laminated card with a list of words on it and ask that they read it back to me slowly. My favorite word is “assuage”

I sit readied at the edge of my seat as one time a surly young man read it back “ass usage.”

It’s not all about me. There are also assessments they have to fill out at home and bring back. I find something called the Work Assessment Survey in the client’s folder when I go to write up the report. Here are some of the hidden gems that have lightened up my day.

(writing reports is REALLY boring. my Buddha teacher Gil says this is okay too…I’m still supposed to breathe and investigate the boredom…

I don’t think he’s ever written reports...)

Disability of record/primary diagnosis?

Fibromyalgia effects my muscles and leguments.

i'm pretty sure legumes are beans, makes me think of a new structure to our anatomy.

What caused your disability?

Birth (in very dark leaded pencil)

If I had awards to give, this would be my favorite a small fellow in a wheelchair…asked to check any essential job functions that might be a problem for him. There’s a list of abilities e.g., standing all day, using both legs, walking for 8 hours...

The only item he marked was…lifting over 100lbs.

I believe him!

okay,

Happy Monday.

Amanda
awaiting the rewards of new employment $$$...my first L.L. Bean tankini!

*COMPLETELY kidding. i just like saying "tankini"

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

the GED typist


Good Morning,

Last week at work I had the unenviable task of typing up the General Equivalency Development test in large font. I think I was supposed to feel a little bit better about myself when my co-worker with a calm pleading to her voice handed it over and said "Make it work."

My Buddha teacher Gil says in times like these you're supposed to breathe...

in the Pali language the word "piti" means to drink. It also means happiness. So with each breath we drink in the happiness...

I don't think he's ever been given the GED and been asked to type it.

The GED, for those who are unfamiliar, is the test an adult without a high school diploma can take to certify that he or she has American or Canadian high school level academic skills.

According to Wikipedia, to pass the GED Tests, and earn a GED credential test takers must score higher than 40 percent of graduating high school seniors nationwide.

Famous people who have a GED include:

Bill Cosby
Waylon Jennings
L.L. Cool J
Britney Spears (ooo I hope she's Canadian)
Paris Hilton (ditto)
Jessica Simpson (ditto ditto...pleeease cannot be smarter than 40% of American seniors)

The GED tests five subject areas: Social Studies, Science, Reading, Writing, and Math.

At a typing speed of far less than 40 wmp, i have a very good idea of the questions in each of these content areas.

So, this morning I'd like to offer you the 10 Building Blocks of the American Psyche:

MLK Jr. "I Have a Dream" speech
George Washington (isolationism)
Crazy Horse (because everybody needs to know a little
something about Crazy Horse)
Anne Frank
The Great Depression
At least one of the following sayings:

(a) “A penny saved is a penny earned.”
(b) “Honesty is the best policy.”
(c) “Health is everything.”
(d) “You can never be too rich…”
(e) “The early bird catches the worm.”

International Space Station
Hybrid cars
Compatible blood types
Direct Deposit
Determining Distance by Parallax

okay maybe not that last one...i'm currently trying to figure the marathon distance on an elliptical machine. the calculation (used in astronomy) is proving difficult.

alright,

if you're back at work and reading this-Happy Monday.

if at home, Happy Spring Break!

if you are not reading this and still sitting on your meditation cushion...enjoy your breath. : )

Happy Monday,

Amanda
certified LFT (Large Font Typist)

"with nothin but my t-shirt on!...oops...i did it again, that's HOT"

Monday, March 17, 2008

dance montage or i like dance quotes!


Good Morning,

Every time the Fighting Irish score a touchdown a little leprechaun comes out and dances the jig (yes, his legs were very well rested this season). In perhaps a similar manner, I thought I'd trot out some high flutin' entertainment this morning. Below is the link to a dance montage I put together...mostly because I like saying the word "montage" and came across some good dance quotes... : )

"Please send me your last pair of dance shoes, worn out with dancing as you mentioned in your letter, so that I might have something to press against my heart." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

(attached photo...okay?)

anyway...Happy Monday & Happy St. Patrick's Day.

http://homepage.mac.com/amv12/iMovieTheater35.html

Amanda
Chairperson for Funkateer Nationals '07,
"feelin' funky fresh, green and noodly in '08!"

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

dads who date










Good Morning,

The other day on the phone I asked my dad if he remembered what Judy was wearing on their first date. After a moments hesitation, he said, "yes, she was wearing a gray pant suit and a pink sweater top."

I've since tried to figure out what my response would have been..."uh, pants and something pink."

...yes, genetics is a funny thing.

in honor of their upcoming ONE YEAR dating anniversary, i thought i'd re-run the story of how they met : ).

Happy Monday,
Amanda

***********************

March 2007

INTRO

My dad has been divorced for six years not once has there been a “meet the kids” date. I thought I would give him a strong healthy push in that direction when I was home last weekend for his 60th birthday.

Project/Activity: Set your divorced dad (or mom) up on an on-line dating service

Previous Attempts: 1

EPISODE: "I am Never without a Flower and a Good Book"

START

You might think having someone who is crafty would be helpful to my dad in filling out his profile. Here I will admit (only temporarily) that I have been involved in the on-line dating scene. I made up my own profile. Here was the last message I received in my Inbox:

“I like to chat with you some time, i founf your profile interesting and would like to know more. However 1 question r u a black women?”

This and several other things I did not share with my dad as we sat huddled on folding chairs in front of the computer.

Although uncertain about my abilities to help craft a dateable profile, I was sure about the importance of attracting a good woman.

She would possibly be that someone sharing the Thanksgiving table with us.

She needed to be someone I could imagine wiping his bum when he’s 80…

And most importantly she’s going to be the one responsible for buying him the BIG Christmas present.

“Okay, so we’re looking for…a goood picture of you Dad.” (that is, deeper considerations are quickly abandoned when presents are involved).

“Do I have one?” he said.

“Yes, of course you do.” They were conspicuously marked in a folder labeled Dad photos. Evidence that my brother had organized the first on-line dating effort. In the pace of snails and slugs, the simple head shot uploaded to the site.

It did not take a supersleuth to determine why my dad's initial foray into the world of on-line dating was not a success. He has a dial-up connection and a Wal-Mart e-mail account...(helloooo ladies) I haven’t checked the books on this one yet but, I’d say the odds were 1 in 87 billion that he would succeed.

Anyway,

There is a certain amount of excitement in filling out the profile. The opportunity to create someone…you’ve never been.

“Dad, how tall are you?”

“5’11”

I am 5’9 when I’d hugged my dad the previous morning we were eye-to-eye.

“Since when? If you’re 5’11 then I get to be 6’0.” We settled on a healthy 5’10.

“Weight?” Here the drop down box gives options: slender, average, muscular, few extra pounds

“Well, slender.”

Most men might hesitate at using this term, not my dad. I tried explaining the feminine connotation of this word suggesting that “slender” along with his interests in decorating, flowers and dancing might not be an adequate counterbalance to his qualities in the man department…

This is something I like about my dad. He did not care. A man proud to be slender not average—that’s my dad!

The online dating profile is the opportunity to bring forth your best self. Here’s a bit of “entercation” (i.e. entertainment/education)

In filling out a profile from an alternative perspective…

It’s fun to feel above the dating scene. It’s no fun to be in it. It’s a little worse when you are disabled and even more when you identify as Buddhist. I always want to save on the complications later. There will be no Thanksgiving dinner announcements. There will be no when are we going to tell your parents about all this?

Questions I’ve had…

Do you keep files on people?

How do you introduce yourself?

How do you present your “self” as a commodity when you’re Buddhist?

As you can see the situation is complex.

This is why I enjoy hearing that for my dad and others like him a “deal breaker”can be simple things like a bad hairdo... (still one of life's biggest concerns).

There was a time when I wanted to learn a formal dance for a friend’s wedding. My dad is a good dancer (specify ballroom…). He came to Columbus and accompanied me for my “graduation” lesson. At the Dance school, the floor was replete with young couples and the older set I assumed practicing for competitions and weddings.

…the instructor was adamant yet patient as we waltzed across the floor to Dad’s lead. Dad went glide, glide, giddy-up and I went STOMP STOMP STOMP. “Dad listen to the instructor. We’re taking a lesson!”

Dad’s ability to take the lead did not apply to dating profiles…our efforts lagged and lulled. His face flashed a look of concern and mental faculties halted to a complete stop at our next section of the profile—YOUR DATE--the place to provide characteristics and attributes of the person you would ideally like to meet.

The question about keeping a file on someone?...in theory it was answered. My dad was able to produce a prototype from his first on-line dating effort that didn’t pan out. He still had her profile.

Pure gold. I asked if I could see it. Dad hesitated, looking a bit sick and stricken. I promised not to tease, judge or tell anyone (oops). She was/is an attractive lady, slender, nice smile. From her stated interests she indeed earned her title “Classyladyfriend.” (*name changed to protect the innocent).

At times having this made things far easier than perhaps they should have been. Dad and his Classyladyfriend were going to have profiles that look like they got stuck in the ditto machine.

At other times having the profile made things MUCH MUCH harder…

When we arrived at the Turn Ons/Turn Offs section

Dad sat clutching his profile. In his eyes I thought I saw a spark of hope. Knowing a parent’s turn-ons/turn offs…I thought, this is guaranteed to turn me off to anything for the next 32 years. We settled on tattoos and body piercings Turn Offs, dancing and romantic dinners Turn Ons. The rest he would just have to wait until later and fill out on his own.

“What makes me unique? What makes me special?”

It is sad that Dad had to ask this question. I had a memory full of a daughter’s words but these words only seem to matter when spoken. They fail to endear or compel when crammed into a dialog box 350 characters or less—but the heck if I wouldn’t try!

I lovingly encouraged my dad to go away and think about what made him special while I worked some magic into the profile. (an artist must be left to her work…). Five minutes later, my dad returned and proudly handed me a little note with some penciled down items (underlined).

Christmas

Flowers (double underlined--*very important)

Reading a new book every week

Cleaning house

I proudly turned in my seat. “Okay Dad, I’ll look at that but first listen to what I wrote.” I smiled all the love and encouragement I could muster after ventilating some of the extra heat I’d generated underneath my sweatshirt. I was hot, tired and ready for Father-Daughter Day Activity number two- Go with dad to the recreation center for a good workout!

Dad stood nonplussed, a quizzical look in his expression after I finished my dramatic reading.

“Oh so you wrote it like a book there…I mean can’t I just say I like Christmas?”

I’m not sure where I ever got this idea that life needed to be so complicated. I put away (my marker board, quill pen and etching stone) the careful crafting tools of the wordsmith and simply wrote a new headline and front page teaser.

Posted and pending approval from the Website, Dad’s headshot now appeared with the headline:

“I am never without a flower and a good book.”

And underneath…

“I like Christmas. Let’s clean house together.”

I must say this was a strange kind of power I did not enjoy. The technically incompetent should not have to suffer.

“What did you do?” My dad asked. “What does it (the profile) say now?”

“Well, Dad, reading it says…you’re a woman.”

Panic.

"Okay, okay we’ll change it." On the third attempt we arrived at a satisfactory profile.

I left him with instructions on how to cancel the account and remove the profile should word leak into the community that he’s out a lookin’ for the ladies on-line.

And thus ends my submission for a Brownie badge. Happy Girl Scouts Week and Happy Monday. Your Troop Leader,
Amanda